Page 1 of Broken Butterfly
Prologue
Last night, I remembered everything. Last night, I lost everything, too.
My name is Elizabeth Penelope Fairchild. I am nineteen years old. I was born on March 5, 2002. I am the daughter of Ann and John Fairchild. The older sister to Hailey Fairchild. The mother of Elizabeth Ann Jameson. My family was murdered over a year ago. I was brutally attacked and barely survived. I was in a coma for two months. I woke up with no memory. I found out last month that I had a daughter. Then I found out she was gone before I even had a chance to meet her or hold her.
I grew up with three boys. Jayson and Julien Jameson, the brown-haired, silver-eyed twins that would crawl through my window at night; and Ryder Cutton, the dark-haired, amber-eyed rebel with a heart of gold. We had been best friends since elementary school—until we were more. I loved all three of them, but I fell in love with two of them.
Jayson was my first boyfriend. But even when I was with Jayson, my young, conflicted heart was drawn to Ryder. I know that must sound awful and selfish. Jayson was all my firsts, but then Ryder was too. Doesn’t that sound confusing? But, for me, it’s my truth. See, there was my life before the attack, and then there was my new life after. Jayson was before; he claimed my heart when I was a girl. Ryder was after; he owned my heart when I was a woman. In truth, Ryder has always owned my heart my entire life. And last night, I fucked it all up.
Let me explain.
After that horrific night over a year ago—the night I lost my family and my memory, the night that shattered my life apart—a distant relative of my father’s, Daniel, and his husband Drew, took emergency guardianship over me. They carried me back to their home in Seattle, Washington and hid me in a private medical facility. Thirteen months ago, I woke up from my coma with no memory of the first eighteen years of my life. Three months ago, I left Seattle to attend college at Carolina University, drawn by a pull I did not understand, where I came face to face with Ryder, Jayson, and Julien—the boys who were my childhood best friends. The boys I grew up with. The boys I fell in love with. The boys I had no memories of. They had been searching for me, desperate to find me for over a year; to find out what happened to me. And then,poof! There I was in the same town, at the same university, as the three of them. A miracle, right? Perhaps fate?
It’s funny how life plays out sometimes. I think the ancient Greeks had it right with their belief that the Fates controlled everyone’s destinies. Those fickle Fate bitches. They’ve been pulling the strings of my life and tying them into twisted knots. Soon after I returned to North Carolina, I ran into Ryder by chance while on the CU campus. I’m positive the Fates made sure it was no accident. Then Jayson and Julien came barging back into my life, literally. We’ve spent the last three months getting to know one another again, becoming friends again, existing in the new normal of New Elizabeth, the girl with no memory. Jayson struggled with his jealous anger because I was no longer the girlfriend he knew. Julien struggled with his guilt because he thought he failed me. Then there was Ryder. New Elizabeth fell deeply in love with Ryder.
And then last night happened. My memories came back. The one thing I was afraid of happening, did. You would think that regaining my memories, remembering the old Elizabeth, remembering my family, the people, places, and events of my life, would be a good thing. Fuck no. It was the worst thing that could have happened to me. I don’t want to be Old Elizabeth. I despise Old Elizabeth. The boys had been telling me stories of our life together, hoping it would help bring my memories back. From everything I heard about Old Elizabeth, all I saw was that she was a selfish girl who was weak and let others make choices for her. And I never wanted to be her ever again. I liked New Elizabeth. She was strong and capable. She didn’t say she loved one man while pining for another. New Elizabeth told it like it was and stood her ground. New Elizabeth gave all of her love and her whole heart to Ryder Cutton. New Elizabeth had a good group of friends. She enjoyed new things and new experiences. New Elizabeth liked to curse and drink and have fun.
I’m pretty sure the Fates are laughing their asses off right now. They are probably in hysterics, looking down at me as I drown in the misery of my greatest mistake. The mistake I made last night when I fucked Jayson like the world would end if I didn’t. These stupid goddamn memories! New Elizabeth is so in love with Ryder, but Old Elizabeth’s memories came back, and those memories were filled with her love for Jayson.
When I woke up this morning and felt Jayson’s arms wrapped around my sore, naked body, I hated myself. If I could have unzipped my skin and crawled out of it, I would have. Instead, I slipped out of his bed and searched for my clothes. On the floor, I found my phone along with the tattered remains of my shirt and yoga pants. I quietly opened a couple of Jayson’s drawers and found a T-shirt and some sweatpants, which I hastily put on. I unlocked and opened his bedroom door. Old Elizabeth started screaming at me not to leave. She wanted to wake up in Jayson’s arms and look into his metallic-gray eyes. I told her to fuck off. Once I reached the kitchen, I saw some paper and a pen left on the counter. I took them and used them to write a note.
“Jayson, I’m sorry. Last night should never have happened.–Elizabeth”
I folded the paper in half and wrote Jayson’s name on it, then placed it on top of the coffee machine. I caught my reflection in the shiny stainless-steel surface of the refrigerator. Jesus, I looked a mess. I hadn’t taken a shower since yesterday morning. I smelled like Jayson, rain, sweat, and sex. I scowled at my image.
“I hate you,” I hissed at the reflection of Old Elizabeth staring back at me. Then I left.
So, here I am now, standing in the parking lot outside of the boys’ condo. I don’t care that I am barefoot or that my long hair looks like a knotted, tangled bird’s nest. I search the parking lot for my car but then remember that I ran here last night. I ran here in the rain.What the fuck, Elizabeth?
I look down at my phone. I open the settings and am about to turn off my location sharing so the boys can’t track me, when I notice that it’s already turned off. When did I do that? I know I had already uninstalled the location-tracking software that Daniel and Drew put on it, but I always keep my phone’s location sharing on so Ryder, Jayson, and Julien can find me. Why? Because I have been having a lot of what I call ‘memory blackouts.’ When my memories started to resurface over the past few months, they would incapacitate me, turn me into a hyperventilating zombie. The boys feared for my safety. They worried that I could be driving or out and about when one of the episodes hit, so they turned my phone’s location sharing on as a way to find me if that ever happened.
Old Elizabeth must have turned it off last night when she got to Jayson’s. Wouldn’t want her night-long fuck-fest with him to be interrupted. Goddamn bitch. I sound absolutely crazy, even in my own twisted and tumbled mind, but I feel like two different people are warring inside my jumbled brain. I can’t deal with the texts and missed calls right now, so I power off my phone again and begin to walk. I walk for a mile. I get stared at by several people. One mother who is out for a walk pushing her child in a stroller, sees me and turns around to walk the other way.
After a half hour, I’m finally at my destination. I don’t know why I’m here. What the hell am I thinking?It’s because you’re not thinking, I tell myself. You fucked up, Elizabeth. You just destroyed everything good in your life. You deserve every ounce of pain you’re feeling right now.
I raise my hand and knock on the dark oak door. It smells like wood cleaner. Who the hell polishes their front door with wood cleaner?
A guy I don’t recognize opens the door and looks at me. I know I look like crap. I’m wearing Jayson’s clothes which hang loosely on my smaller body. I must look like an unwashed lunatic to him.
“Can I help you?”
The door swings open wider and the man I came to see steps out. Relief pours through me.
“Kitten?”
“I need you, Fallon.”
Chapter 1
My dreams are filled with Liz. Last night, her memories returned, and I got my girlfriend back. We screwed like animals. I devoured every inch of her and then went back for seconds, thirds, and fourths. We didn’t talk. We didn’t speak. We just fucked. Once one orgasm ended, we would go after the next one. We couldn’t stop. We had over a year to make up for. It wasn’t until sunrise that we fell into an exhausted sleep.
As I slowly wake, I stretch the soreness out of my body and can feel the evidence of bite marks and scratches over my back and chest. I don’t think I’ve ever been happier. Before I dozed off a few hours ago, I had my arms wrapped around the love of my life. Liz is my soulmate. She’s my forever. And last night, she came back to me. I don’t know how long we’ve been asleep, but I’m suddenly fully awakened by pounding on my front door. I turn over to grab Liz but she’s not in the bed. The pounding on the door gets louder and I hear Ryder’s voice. Where’s Liz? I hear the front door open. Ryder still has a key, and he lets himself in.
“Jay, you here?”
My bedroom door is cracked open and I panic. Liz is probably in the kitchen making coffee or sitting out on the balcony. I rush to pull on some sweatpants and a shirt.
“Jay?” Ryder shouts again, the sound of his voice closer as he walks down the hallway.
