Page 53 of Broken Butterfly
“I’ve been with Fallon.”
“Where, Liz?”
I gnaw on my thumbnail, a nervous habit of mine. “Um, we took his yacht to New York City, and then flew to Iceland, then England, France, Spain, and a few other places.”
“Why did you leave me? Why did you leave my bed and disappear? Why did your note say it was a mistake?” Jayson’s voice breaks along with my heart. Those icicle tears come back.
“I’m so sorry, Jayson. I shouldn’t have done that to you. But I didn’t know what to do. I was so scared and lost.”
Jayson tries to reach for me, but I resist. “Why won’t you let me hold you?”
“Jayson, we can’t go back to the way things were between us.”
“You came back to me. You remembered and you came back tome.”
“But I didn’t,” I cry. “That wasn’t me. I wish I could explain it better, but the girl that night wasn’t me. That was Old Elizabeth, and she doesn’t exist anymore.”
“Liz, you’re not making any sense. What the hell has Fallon done to you?” he accuses.
Hearing him blame Fallon raises my hackles and I bite out, “Fallon is a good man. I won’t stand by and allow anyone, even you, Jayson, to bad-mouth him.”
“What the hell is wrong with you?”
“Jayson, please listen to me. I was messed up after my memories came back. It was like I was two different people. I didn’t know what to do. The morning after we were together, I somehow managed to walk to Fallon’s frat house. He took me in. He helped me. I owe him so much. Without him, I think I would have crawled into a hole and died. I hated myself for what I did.”
I take a deep, calming breath because getting into an argument with Jayson about Fallon will only derail the conversation we need to have. Jayson hates Fallon and vice versa. No amount of expounding on Fallon’s good points will change that in Jayson’s eyes.
“You hated being with me?” he asks in a pained voice.
I take his hand from my face and grip it between both of mine. I stare into his silver eyes, eyes that used to look at me with love but are now filled with hurt.
“I’m not explaining myself well. There will never be a time I will ever regret being with you. You were my first love, Jayson. I will always love you. But I’m notinlove with you.”
“You’re in love withFallon?”
“It’s not what you think. I do love Fallon. Just like I love you and Julien. But the person I’m in love with is Ryder. I want to be with Ryder. I choose Ryder.” I’m sweating like mad and my words are coming out choppy, but I said them.
“That shit again? Is this why Ry went off the grid the past week?”
“Yes. He’s been with me and Fallon.”
“I don’t understand,” Jayson exclaims and stands up to pace in front of me. “You love me and then,poof! No memory, so you don’t love me anymore; you say you love Ryder. Not to mention I found out you kissed Julien—twice. Then when you get your memories back, you come running to me. You fuck me,” —I cringe at his crass words— “you tell me you love me after we screw each other for hours, then you run away and go straight to Fallon, who by the way, you now say you love too. Am I missing anything, because Jesus Christ, Liz, that all sounds like crazy bullshit and makes you nothing but a whore.”
I jerk back in horrified shock at him calling me a whore. Without thinking, my hand snakes out and slaps Jayson across the face, the sound echoing between the trees. We both freeze in shock, staring wide-eyed at each other.
“I guess I deserve that,” he says, rubbing his cheek where I slapped him. It’s already showing the red imprint of my hand.
I’m still livid. “You bet your ass you do!”
“Well, can you blame me?” he yells back. “This is confusing as fuck. You came backto me, Liz. You fucked me like the world would end. I had bite marks and scratches to prove that night was real. You fell asleep in my arms and told me that you loved me. I woke up to a note. A fucking note saying that everything that happened between us that night was a mistake!”
A single tear slithers down his red cheek like a raindrop falling down a windowpane. I grab his icy hands to pull myself up from the log seat. We’re both breathing hard, our dual breaths creating mist that floats away in the cold winter air.
“I’m so sorry about everything. I’ve fucked things up so badly. You deserve better. I don’t know how else to explain myself or justify what happened. I will always love you. We created Elizabeth Ann from our love. But I’m not coming back to you. I’m in love with Ryder.I choose Ryder,” I repeat, hoping he finally understands.
Jayson grabs my wrists so hard I know I’ll have bruises tomorrow. “No, princess, you came back to me.”
“Jayson, will you please listen to me? I don’t want to hurt you, but you need to understand that I’m not coming back to you.”
