Page 32 of Broken Butterfly
“I get a nice side view of your ass.”
“You stare at my ass all day long.”
“True. You have a great ass, so it’s really not my fault,” he rejoins. At least he hasn’t smacked my butt, so I give him props for that alone.
Once we reach the Rosa room where I’m staying, he throws me bodily onto the high, large four-poster bed. I bounce a few times on the soft mattress and decide that was fun, so I stand up and start springing up and down a few times on it like a trampoline before I remember this is not my house and I am being an irresponsible guest.
“What the hell are you doing?” Fallon’s looking at me like I’ve lost my mind.
I plop down on the bed, legs outstretched. “You’ve never jumped on your bed before?” He shakes his head no. “Pillow fights?” Again, he answers no. Did he have any fun as a kid growing up doing stupid kid stuff? “Come here,” I motion to him to get on the bed with me.
“Kitten, the only bed acrobatics I do are with my dick inside a pussy.” That startles a belly laugh out of me.
“Think that’s funny?”
“Yep!” I reply, popping that ‘p’ with emphasis and collapse back on the bedspread.
Fallon reaches over and tugs at my ankles until my body slides across the bed to where he’s standing at the foot. My arms are splayed above my head, my cheeks are red from jumping around, and I have a silly grin plastered across my face.
“I want to fuck you,” he snarls at me like he’s angry at me for the desire he feels.
My grin evaporates. He said almost the exact same thing to me in Nordurljosavegur. God, it would be so easy to go there. To let him take me and use my body, to feel him on me, over me, and inside me, and not care about the consequences. Over the past two weeks, Fallon has infused himself into my heart in a way that will remain lodged there forever. He has been my savior, my friend, my comfort, my confidant, and my lifeline when I was drowning. I have fallen in love with Fallon, just like I did with Jayson, Ryder, and Julien when I was a kid. But Fallon is not what I would call my heart’s love. Only one man owns me in that way, and that’s the man I’minlove with. It’s like I said: you can love many people but there will only be that one special person you will give your whole heart to with all of your love. Fallon isn’t that person for me.
He studies my face and releases his hold on my legs. “I’m sorry,” he exhales, scrunching his brow.
I sit up and grab his arm. “Fallon, I wish I could tell you that things were different. I really do. It would be so easy to let go with you. Forget everything, forget my life, forget my responsibilities, and be with you. But I can’t, and I won’t. I’m in love with someone else. I’ve made my choice.”
He strips off his shirt and jeans until he’s wearing only his black boxers. Even though I already told him we wouldn’t be sleeping in the same bed together again tonight, he climbs on top of the bed covers to sit beside me. I should tell him to go, but the lost and lonely expression on his face has me reconsidering.
“Come on,” I say, pulling him off the bed so we can brush our teeth and I can wash my face.
We’ve become very comfortable around one another’s personal routines. A few mornings during the past couple of weeks, I have sat on the lip of the tub and watched Fallon shave. It’s something I did often with Ryder. Fallon finishes brushing his teeth and leans a shoulder against the door frame, watching me dry and rub lotion on my face.
“Why are you staring?” I can feel the intensity of his eyes boring holes into me.
“What do you remember about the man from that night?” Well, that came out of left field.
“Hiseyes. One blue, one brown. I rememberHisvoice. If I ever hearHisvoice again, I’ll be able to recognize it instantly.”
“What else?”
I push him out of the way so I can close the bathroom door and change. Once done, I open it again and walk past him to get under the bed covers. He turns off the lights and joins me. Just like last night, we face each other and snuggle in. To me, at least, it feels like we’re two friends having a sleepover.
“Hissmell. I remember the wayHesmelled like cigarettes and nutmeg. There is one thing that I still don’t understand though.”
Fallon smooths my hair back off my face, his hand stopping to cradle the nape of my neck. “What’s that?”
“Hewanted me to see something.Hekept repeating that over and over.Hewas screaming at Hailey saying she was stupid to think she could ever be me. It doesn’t make sense. What didHemean? I’m certain this was the older man Hailey had been sneaking around with. The man who abused her and hurt her. Why would she stay with him ifHehurt her? Why didn’t she come to me for help? Why didn’t I see what was happening to her and save her?”
“I don’t think you’ll ever understand the why. He could have been obsessed with you, and Hailey was his way to get access to you. He could have been using Hailey as a substitute because he couldn’t have you.”
“Like a stalker? Don’t you think I would have noticed some man creeping around? Jayson, Julien, and Ryder sure as hell would. The four of us were always together.”
“You’d be surprised by how many monsters surround you without you ever realizing that they’re there.”
“If you’re placing yourself in that group, you can cut that shit out right now, Fallon.”
His fingers clench in my hair at the base of my head to the point of pain and I wince. “I am a monster, kitten. I hurt people, and I couldn’t give a shit. I cause pain because I like it. I do what I want, and I will steamroll over anyone in my way. My reputation is what it is for good reason.”
