Page 18 of Broken Butterfly
Day 4: Finding Myself
New York City
I’m dreaming and I hope I never wake up because when I do, I know I’ll be alone again without my boys. Without Ryder, Jayson, and Julien. So I remain in my dream of Ryder, needing to feel his presence close to me, even if it’s only a figment of my subconscious mind. In my dream, Ryder’s hard body is beneath me, his golden gaze heated and locked onto my face, his strong hands roaming freely across my flushed skin. I feel our emotions swirling in the air. The lust, desire, and love that permeates every atom of every state of matter surrounding us.
“You’re too damn sexy for your own good, Ryder, and I’m going to show you how much I want you.” I gently bite his pectoral and lick it, the salt from his skin delicious. “How much I love you.” I kiss his clavicle. “How much I am yours and only belong to you.” I pop the button on his jeans and slide my hands around to palm his backside.
Another shadowy form materializes in front of me, reminding me of memories lost. Old Elizabeth touches Ryder’s face and I warn her to stay away from him. He’s mine.
She just smiles vacantly at me and leans down to whisper in Ryder’s ear. “I chose Jayson.”
I startle awake, feeling like I’ve been sucked into a dark nothingness as I struggle for breath. Then I realize where I am. The blackout curtains in the hotel suite block out all outside light, making it impossible to know if it’s day or night. Looking around for my phone, I grumble when I remember that Fallon has it. He unplugged and threw out all the phones in the suite. I also don’t know how he managed it, but my key card only activates the elevator to our floor and unlocks the hotel suite door. It doesn’t work on the business room downstairs where the guests can use computers for free. I know because I tried. Fallon also has been watching me like a hawk. And if he can’t, one of the five employees assigned to our suite does. It’s fucking annoying.
Bastard.
Sitting up on the sofa, I wrap the blanket around my shoulders. I modify his title of bastard a little when I realize Fallon must have covered me with the blanket sometime during the night. He’s a sweet bastard for taking care of me, but a bastard none the less. I get up to go to my bedroom and notice the hotel clock on the bedside table telling me it’s five in the morning. No wonder I woke up. It’s the time I usually run with Julien. I wonder if he’s running this morning with Elijah. I wonder if he misses me like I miss him.
I quickly change into a workout bra and yoga pants, put on the new running shoes I bought with Fallon’s money, and slip out of the room to take our suite’s private elevator down to the fitness center, hoping my key card works there. When the elevator doors open on the tenth floor, I’m greeted by one of the hotel staff members. It’s a little freaky to me when they pop up like they somehow know exactly where I am or where I’m going.
“Good morning, Miss Fairchild. Visiting the fitness facility?” the young woman politely inquires. She’s dressed in a black skirt suit with a cream-colored blouse. Her chestnut hair is rolled into a tight knot at the nape of her neck. I step out of the elevator and smile broadly at her when I see the phone case clipped at her waist.Don’t do it, Elizabeth, I tell myself. Of course, I ignore my own advice.
“Good morning” —I look at her nametag— “Veronica.” I increase the wattage of my smile. “I forgot my phone in my room. Would you mind if I borrowed yours? I promise it will only take a second. I’d hate to have to go all the way back to my room for mine.”
“Please, be my guest.” She slides her phone out of the case, unlocks it, and hands it to me. I send up a silent hallelujah.
“Thank you so much, Veronica. You are a life saver.” I step away and dial Ryder’s number.
“Hello?” his sleep-husked voice answers. God, he sounds so good. My heart both melts and breaks at the same time at the sound of his deep, baritone voice.
“Ryder?”
His sleepy tone quickly evaporates. “Elizabeth? Fuck, baby, it’s good to hear your voice. Wait. Where’s Fallon?”
“Asleep. This isn’t my phone.” I peer over my shoulder to make sure Veronica isn’t eavesdropping. “I’m sorry, Ryder. I’m so sorry. You must hate me right now.”
“I could never hate you, sweetheart.”Sweetheart. It gets me every damn time.
“I remembered, Ryder. It all came back. I don’t know what to do.”
Ryder’s silent on the other end and I feel my world start to unravel. I’ve lost him. He doesn’t want me anymore. I’ve ruined everything.
I hear his deep inhale at the same time I hear a dinging noise behind me.
“I love you so much, Ryder. If you doubt anything about us, please never doubt that. I love—” The phone is snatched out of my hand and I yelp out in shock and spin around. “Hey!”
An angry Fallon is standing before me, eyes iced with frigid blue indignation. I try to take the phone back, but he holds it out of my reach and brings it to his ear. “Hey, man. Sorry about that. I’ll talk to you later.”
“Fallon, give that back!”
He menacingly steps toward Veronica, who shrinks back a little, and shoves the phone at her. “Let her use your phone again and you’ll be out of a job.”
He grabs my wrist and pulls me toward the open elevator doors. I don’t struggle. Instead, I glower and pout. Very mature, I know.
“Fallon, what the hell?”
He pulls me the rest of the way inside the elevator and places our room key up to the electronic scanner. Once the box starts going up, Fallon whirls on me and shoves me against the wood-paneled elevator wall.
“I should be asking you that, kitten. You wanted my help and I’m giving it to you. Stop acting like a brat, sneaking around, and making secret phone calls.”
