Page 131 of Broken Butterfly
I lift my head and taste his sweet lips, a tiny tear escaping caused by his beautiful words. I pull back and cup his face, wanting so badly for the dreams of our future to come true. The words I have kept to myself escape out of me. “Marry me. I know this is unconventional and maybe a little unexpected, but I have known in my heart since I was nine years old that I love you with everything I have in me. You have been my best friend, my protector, the man who has always stood by me no matter what. You were patient and waited for me. And not even near-death and the loss of my memory could keep my heart, my soul, from finding its way back to you. Ryder Randall Cutton, will you give me the honor of spending the rest of your life with me as my husband?”
“On bended knee, I pulled out a ring,
And sang, ‘Marry me, Elizabeth,
And say you’re mine forever.
I’ll love you every day that we’re together.
You’ll wear my ring and pick out a wedding dress,
It’s our love story, so baby, please say…’”
Yes.
Epilogue III
Thirty Years Later…
I’m sitting outside a café in Venice watching the gondolas float by in the canal. It’s one of those summer afternoons where you think the sky couldn’t get any bluer and the sun couldn’t get any brighter. It’s one of those perfect days you cherish because you know tomorrow may bring rain. The waiter stops in front of me, and I look up to see him holding a tray with a glass of red wine on it.
“Complimenti del signore,” he tells me and nods over to the man sitting a few tables over. The man tips his head and salutes me with his wine glass.
“Gigli grazie, ma no grazie,” I reply to the waiter. He nods and takes the glass of red wine to the man at his table. The man looks over at me and frowns. I shrug with a smile and go back to drinking my coffee. My phone dings and I look to see who it is. My oldest son, Marcus, texted me a picture of himself with his two siblings, Christopher, my youngest son, and Charlotte, my only daughter. They’re with Julien and Elijah at the beach. Julien and Elijah bought a beach house on Topsail Island and the kids are spending the week with them, along with their two adopted sons, Grant and Nicholas, while I’m in Italy.
Ryder and I have three wonderful, gorgeous children. Marcus, our oldest, is twenty-five, followed a year later by Christopher, and then Charlotte who will turn seventeen next month. Charlotte will become an official twelfth grader in August, and like her father and brothers, plans to attend CU after graduation. She is so smart and has the kindest heart of anyone I know. Ryder always says that she gets that from me. Several years ago, Marcus asked Ryder if he could help run the garage. Just like his dad, Marcus loves cars. He’s basically a little mini-me of his father. Christopher also followed in his father’s footsteps and got his MBA, then joined his brother at the garage. Marcus goes the repairs and custom work, while Christopher runs the business side of things.
And business has been good. When Ryder took over Randy’s Custom Auto from his father, he expanded the business and made it even more successful than it already was. About fifteen years ago, he also bought the Fields from Mr. Jacoby’s grandson and turned it into a proper Motocross track where several sanctioned events are held every year.
I finished medical school and worked in research at the cancer center at Duke. I decided I was more interested in the research side of things, rather than becoming a practicing physician. I took early retirement two years ago.
When Christopher was born, Daniel and Drew moved to North Carolina to live closer to me and the kids. Even in their mid-sixties, they are still stars in the technology world and are both currently in London speaking at a tech conference. I’ll meet up with them on my way back to the States when my tour of Italy ends.
A couple of weeks ago, my children surprised me with the gift of a two-week trip to Italy. They packed my bags, drove me to the airport, gave me tons of kisses and hugs, and then shoved me to the security gate and told me to have some fun. Fun has not been part of my life for over two years. It’s been thirty-one long, lonely months since I lost my beloved husband to acute myelogenous leukemia. But those thirty-one months will never compare to the decades of happiness and love that Ryder showered me with every day. We never took a single day with one another for granted. We filled every second with love and laughter, happiness and joy. We made a beautiful life together which became even better once our children were born.
I do see Jayson once a year when we both visit Elizabeth Ann’s gravesite on her birthday. He and I sit on a blanket and talk to our little girl. We read her stories, sing her songs, and bury the letters we each write to her. We cry and hug and then Jayson walks away, returning to the life he finally made for himself in California. I don’t think he’ll ever be able to forgive me for choosing Ryder. I wish things could be different between us, but there’s only so much heartbreak one person can endure. I don’t blame him. I never did. Jayson eventually married a woman he met in San Francisco. They have one child, a girl named Bethany. I hope he’s happy. I hope he knows deep down how true my love for him was. Even now, after so many years, I feel the loss of his friendship as keenly as I do Hailey and my parents. Jayson was my first love and that will never change.
But Ryder was my forever love. I miss my husband beyond expression. I miss his golden-amber eyes and the way his smile would leave me breathless. I miss the deep sound of his voice and how my heart would skip a beat every time he called mebabeorsweetheart.I miss his kisses and the way his arms would wrap around me and hold me tight like he would never let me go. I miss his smell and the scruff of his stubble. I miss the feel of his muscled body against mine as we made love. I miss falling asleep in his strong arms and waking up to his handsome face grinning at me, his eyes filled with love every time he looked at me. I miss the way he held me when we danced under the moonlight. I miss the sound of his voice when he sang to me. I miss the way he would kiss my tears away. I miss his laughter. I miss the way he loved me with every part of his heart. My soul will forever yearn for my husband every day for the rest of my life.
Before I was coerced into my trip to Italy, my children sat down and talked to me. Marcus said, “Mom, it’s time. You need to start living again.”
Christopher added, “We love you so much, Mom. We will always love Dad. We know he would want you to find happiness again.”
My sweet, angel girl cupped my face in her hands and whispered to me, “Go be happy, Mama. You have so many more next times to live.”
A couple’s laughter a few tables down breaks me from my thoughts. My hand reaches down and touches my heart locket, the one Jayson gave me in remembrance of our daughter, Elizabeth Ann. I finger my wedding bands. The yellow diamond engagement ring, the eternity band my precious Ryder gave to me after singing his version of “Love Song,” and the one he gave me the day he took my hand and made a vow to love me forever and I repeated that vow back to him. I will always love that man.
I close my eyes and silently talk to Ryder like I do every day. “Hey, baby,” I tell him. “Do you recognize where I am? It’s the café you took me to when we were in Venice. I still can’t believe you flew halfway around the world to find me. I love you, handsome. I miss you.”
A breeze floats around me and I can feel Ryder’s warmth envelop me. He’s always with me no matter where I am. I hear his voice in the wind as he whispers back to me, “You are the love of my life, sweet Elizabeth. But it’s time for you to move on. You have so much love to give. Remember what Julien used to say about how you had an infinite capacity for love? You have so much more life to experience. Enjoy the adventure, sweetheart. I love you, baby. It’s time.”
I take in a shuddering breath and wipe away the tears that have gathered around my eyelids. As I’m reaching for my coffee, a shadow falls across my table. The hairs on my arms raise and my skin erupts in tingly goose bumps.
“Hey, kitten.”
A smile spreads across my face until my cheeks hurt. I turn in my chair to see Fallon standing before me.
“Hey you,” I reply, excitement and giddiness exploding inside of me. After over two years of feeling the numbing loss of my husband, the joy I’m feeling right now is almost too painful to bear.
