Page 109 of Broken Butterfly
A cheer goes up in the other room. “Sounds like they found the football game.”
“Football’s never been my thing.”
“I know!” I smirk. “You fall asleep after the first five minutes of every game we watch together.”
“Want to start decorating the tree?”
“Lead the way, E.”
Chapter 32
“It was the sweetest little thing I have ever seen,” I tell Faith. Freda had knitted a Christmas stocking for Elizabeth Ann that she let me hang with everyone else’s along the fireplace mantle.
“Freda has always been such a good woman. My heart breaks for her, and for you, Lizzie, for your loss. You know that Randy and I would have come to Seattle to support you if you’d asked.”
“I know. And thank you. It means a lot.”
I rinse off the plate I just cleaned and hand it to Faith to dry. Ryder, Fallon, and I came back as promised a little before eight for dinner. Ryder, Fallon, Randy, Jamie, and Brea disappeared somewhere and left me and Faith with the dirty dishes.
Faith drops her drying rag on the counter and places a hand on my shoulder. “Lizzie, are you alright, sweet girl? You’ve had a lot to deal with these past few months.”
“I’m getting there,” I reply with a sigh. “Ryder takes very good care of me. He’s been my rock and I feel like I’m letting him down.”
“Oh, honey, why would you think you’ve let my boy down? He loves you. You’d have to be dumb, deaf, and blind not to see how much.”
“I wish Hailey and my mom were here,” I say sadly. “Hailey always knew exactly what to do when I was sucked into my thoughts. Her poems would help calm whatever conflict I was facing, and Mom always gave the best hugs.”
“Ann was my best friend. She was one of a kind. However, I’ve been told I give great mom hugs too.” Faith opens her arms to me, and I stumble into them like a lost child seeking comfort. “Now, tell me what’s troubling you and why you think you’ve disappointed Ryder.”
“I’ve been terrified to tell Jayson about our engagement.”
She runs her palm down my hair in a gentle gesture. “That’s understandable. You and Jayson had a fierce, fiery young love that was ripped away from the both of you quite suddenly in the most horrific way.”
“I’ve always loved Ryder, though. Even when I was with Jayson. You must think something awful of me for saying that.”
“Sweetie, if you recall, Randy and I were front and center to everything that happened. We saw what was going on. My husband is a very smart man. He once told Ryder that you needed time to decide what you wanted and to be patient. That if you were the one he was supposed to be with, it would all work out. I can’t tell you how many boyfriends I had growing up. I swore each one of them wasthe one.” Faith chuckles to herself.
“But that right there is the innocence of youth. When I met Randy, that’s when it really hit me. I ran home to my momma after the first time he kissed me and told her, ‘Momma, I’m in trouble.’ I knew right then and there that he was my forever. That man has owned my heart ever since.” I love how she describes Randy as her forever, just like I do with Ryder.
“I want to be Ryder’s wife more than I have ever wanted anything else. I can’t imagine my life without him by my side. I just don’t want anything to be ruined by the fight I know Jayson and I will get into when he finds out. I will always love Jayson, too. He’s been my best friend for so long, and he was my first love. I don’t want to hurt him.”
“I know. I wish I could tell you exactly what will happen and not to worry; that everything will work out. But life sometimes doesn’t turn out that way. It’s in those times, the times that are hard, that you must stand by what is truly in your heart. Never be afraid to fight for what you want, Lizzie. If what you want is to be with my son, well, by God, fight for him. If your heart tells you to be with Jayson, then you must fight just as hard for him. If it’s neither of them, then that’s your right as well. It’s your choice, Lizzie, no one else’s.”
My choice.
I reach into my pocket and pull out my ring. I slip the magnificent yellow diamond back onto my finger with a silent promise never to take it off again.
“I will always choose Ryder.”
The fire is crackling in the firepit and I inhale the burned aroma of wood fire and smoke, relishing in the camaraderie of the evening. Jamie’s boyfriend, Jack, arrived earlier and he’s been regaling us with stories of his backpacking trip along the Appalachian Trail. Otherwise, it’s just me, Fallon, and the Cuttons enjoying a break from the excitement of the last couple of days.
The night is clear, and stars pop out against the inky blackness; a waxing, gibbous moon hangs in the sky. I’ve noticed Brea has been quiet most of the evening. I’ll make sure to spend some alone time with her later. I’ve been so busy with everything else that I haven’t gotten a chance to talk to her much. I texted Meredith earlier today and she said she was bored out of her mind sitting around the house and being forced to talk to cousins she rarely sees and couldn’t care less about. I also texted Tatiána so I’m surprised when her text comes in now since it would be in the middle of the night in Madrid.
Tatiána: Feliz Navidad. Merry Christmas, Elizabeth.
Me: Merry Xmas Eve, Tatiána!
Me: What are you doing up at this hour? You should be in bed.
