Page 104 of Broken Butterfly
Drew blows out a soft whistle. “And you remember all of that? It must be hard for him.” That’s the struggle and profound guilt I feel when it comes to Jayson. Having me come back, finding out he lost a daughter and then standing helplessly by as he watched me fall in love with another man, a man that was his best friend. I can’t begin to imagine how Jayson must feel.
“Yes. Jayson was my first romantic love. But I was also in love with Ryder at the same time. Ryder and I never acted on our feelings toward one another since I was with Jayson, but it was always there. A part of me feels guilty and ashamed about how things turned out for Jayson. He deserved—deserves better from me. He lost everything that night too.”
“Elizabeth, you can’t help who you fall in love with. If it’s Ryder you see yourself spending the rest of your life with, then he is the man you are supposed to be with. You shouldn’t feel guilty about loving someone with your whole heart.”
“Oh, Drew. I love Ryder so much. But I screwed up. I made a mistake when my memories came back. I hurt everyone, especially Ryder. I’m so lucky that he loves me enough that he was able to forgive me. I told you there was a lot I needed to explain. It’s going to take a while.”
“I’m not going anywhere. Whenever you’re ready, Daniel and I will be there. We love you like a daughter. I hope you know that. We would do anything for you.”
I sniffle, “I know. I’m sorry my anger kept me away. I threw away a lot of precious time with you and Daniel.”
“Shush now, child. No more apologies.”
“Thank you for taking care of me. For loving me.”
“Loving you was easy,” he says. “Now, I need to work on getting better so Daniel and I can walk you down the aisle.”
My head pops up off his shoulder. “I was hoping, I mean, I was going to ask you both, but I didn’t know how things stood between us. I would love that.”
“Like I said, you’re my daughter in all the ways that count. Of course, I’ll be beside you for every step.”
Drew and I sit and talk about what has been going on with his treatment. As hard a road as he has had to travel, the end prognosis looks promising. The treatment plan his doctors developed appears to be working, but the toll it has taken on his body is telling.
Eventually, Daniel comes to find us and helps Drew downstairs to the atrium where the boys are gathered around a circular gas fireplace situated in the middle of the room. I give Ryder, Jayson, and Julien a tour of the house while Daniel and Drew get an early dinner prepared. I take the boys to my room first, but it’s the game room with the large snooker table and the theater room that grab their attention; that is, until I show them the indoor and outdoor pools, and the tennis court.
Daniel insists we eat out on the patio, the chill of the late afternoon being doused by the heat lamps situated around the marble patio table. That gives me a chance to snag him away for a private moment in the kitchen so I can tell him about my engagement. He cries which makes me cry yet again.
As evening settles along the ridgeline of Douglas firs, aspens, and oaks behind the house, we watch from the patio as the horizon glows an autumnal red. Moving inside, we settle in the great room and I try my best to explain everything that has happened since I last spoke with Daniel and Drew. I tell the two of them about my memories coming back; my trip with Fallon; seeing my house for the first time since that night and my plans to buy it and fix it up; what Maria did; the threatening text message; my vandalized Hellcat; and my most recent trip back to the hospital after being pushed in front of an oncoming car. Yeah, those last things do not go over well at all. It takes over an hour for me to belay their fears and the guys have to jump in to reassure them that I will be protected and looked after. Daniel makes them promise, against my very loud protests, that I am not to be left alone at any time. I reluctantly relent once Drew threatens to hire a bodyguard to stick by my side day and night.
We have one more day left in Seattle. One more day for me and Jayson to visit our daughter’s gravesite before we leave. One more day for me to see Daniel and Drew. And then it’s back home for Christmas. Even with the threat of an unknown stalker hanging over me like a dark shadow, and the possibility of Maria being brought up on criminal charges, I’m looking forward to spending the holidays with Ryder, Fallon, Jayson, and Julien. My boys. My family.
Unfortunately, I could never have prepared myself for what would happen in the coming days.
Chapter 30
“Merry fucking Christmas Eve, y’all! Now get your asses up,” a voice booms on the other side of Ryder’s bedroom door before it opens and in strolls Fallon.
“Come on, man,” Ryder groans and pulls me closer in our spooning position.
We arrived at the Cutton house yesterday afternoon and stayed up all night talking with Faith, Randy, Brea, and Jamie. Which basically meant that Faith, Jamie, and Brea yapped on about weddings, while Ryder and I sat cringing because, let’s face it, no bride-to-be wants to have her wedding hijacked by well-meaning family members—even when she knows it’s coming from a place of love. Perhaps eloping is not such a bad idea after all. Around one in the morning, Ryder and I were able to escape, and we fell face-first, exhausted, and still fully clothed into bed.
Fallon’s ice blue eyes meet mine as he flops down on the bed beside me. “Good morning, kitten.”
I grin then slap my hand over my mouth and muffle out, “Morning breath. Let me go brush my teeth.”
“Fuck that. Give me a hug.”
“Get your ass out of my bed and off my woman,” Ryder sleepily grunts and reaches over me to shove Fallon off the side. I scramble off the bed and run into Ryder’s bathroom to freshen up, thankful that I’m still in the jeans and shirt I was wearing last night. Ryder passes me on his way into the bathroom as I come out, stopping to kiss me along the way.
Feeling more awake now—even though I’m dying for a cup of coffee—I tackle Fallon where he’s sitting on the edge of the bed.
“I’m so glad you’re here!” I tell him, thankful he kept his promise to spend Christmas with me and Ryder. I was not going to allow him to spend the holidays by himself this year. Fallon grabs my waist and throws me up in the air to land with anumphon Ryder’s mattress. Just like at Tatiána’s house, I hop up and start jumping on it like a trampoline much to Fallon’s amusement.
“Is everybody up?” I ask him between jumps. I can’t see Ryder’s clock from here so don’t know what time it is.
“Faith let me in. They were having breakfast.” Fallon eyes me, his gaze focused. “Are you going to tell Jay and Jules about that rock on your finger?”
After we landed at Raleigh-Durham airport yesterday, Jayson and Julien left to go back to their house. Ryder and I lingered a while in the airport food court, drinking coffee, and solidifying how we were going to handle telling everyone about our engagement. It was time. There was nothing holding us back anymore. So I took my ring off the necklace and Ryder slipped it back on my finger where it belongs. We’re planning to make an official announcement tomorrow when all the families are here for Christmas dinner, mostly for the Jameson’s benefit since Ryder’s family already knows—but not before I have a chance to talk with Jayson privately first.
