Page 75 of Merry Christmas, You Filthy Animal
“I was hungry, and I didn’t think you’d appreciate me eating in front of you.” She glances around the tree house. “This could be our secret hideout. Works for me. Cole thinks I’m over helping Aunt Cindy right now.”
“Is she your excuse for everything?”
“Pretty much,” she answers. “He doesn’t even second-guess it.”
“Sometimes, I feel bad for how clueless he is,” I say as I pop a Crunch Tator in my mouth.
“Me too.” She smirks and then says, “So tell me everything.”
“First of all, is Flo okay?”
“She’s great. Cole, though, is slightly traumatized from the blowout, but he always is. He was asking why I’d give her applesauce before we left for an event, and I said because she loves it. He couldn’t argue with that.”
“Very calculated.”
“Did it work?”
“Ehhh, I don’t know. I have to tell you, we’re both awkward.”
“Yeah, I know. It’s why I think it’s so funny that you’re trying to woo her. It’s like wooing yourself.”
“To woo myself would be easy. I’d stick a gingerbread house in front of me and tell me to go wild. Done and done.”
“I think it would take more than that, but we won’t get into it. Tell me how it went.”
“Crash and burn at first. I won’t bore you with the details, but fuck, was it painful. I happened to show her a topless picture of myself in my short shorts right off the bat, which made things weird, and we didn’t talk much. I couldn’t think of things to say, and when we did talk, it was some random off-the-wall rambling. To the point that I was like,Let me just get out of here and end it for the both of us, reset, and try again. Well, she happened to have the same thought, and we left at the same time. Then we got in a fight about it, which then led to us running into my idiot brothers. Ansel immediately started hitting on her, I got pissed and jealous, and then I took her hand and led her to her car.”
Storee is eating her Crunch Tators and listening intently.
“I told her I found her attractive, shocked her completely, and then she decided to leave. Only her car wouldn’t start, so I called for help and then took her back home in my truck. She apologized, I think I said it was okay, she asked why I was nice to her, I told her she should get to know me, and then I peaced out.”
“Um, wow, that’s... that’s a lot to take in. And you think it went well? You’d call that a success?”
“Absolutely,” I say with a positive smile. “First, she saw me with my shirt off, and she saw my package, so she knows I’m big everywhere.”
“Gross.”
“Hey.” I point at her. “My body is something I can offer. I’m not ashamed to use it. And you should have seen her eyes. Wide and fixated on the goods. Proud to say, I impressed. Then she saw my protective side. Saw how nice I was. Saw how I could take care of her. I held her hand at one point. I was all over the place with the wooing, but the wooing happened. And it was great. She was so into it. Smiling, and let me tell you, when she did smile, fuck, it was gorgeous. She has this little crinkle in her nose when she smiles. But she also gets it when she’s angry too. And... sometimes when she’s trying to think of what to say. Oh, and get this, when she’s thinking, she mouths what she’s thinking. Isn’t that funny?”
Storee’s smile grows even wider as she wipes her fingers on a napkin she brought. “That is funny.”
“Yeah, I thought so.” I look off through the window, thinking about Betty muttering about squirrels. “And did you know she knows a lot about squirrels? I thought that was fascinating. I mean, you see squirrels every day, but you never truly think about the impact they have on the world until someone educates you on them, and consider me educated.”
“Oh?” Storee asks, still smiling.
“Yeah, we have them to thank for partial planting of our forests. They’re doing the real work out there, and we’re not even offering them an appreciative nod. Well, next time I see a squirrel, I’ll be sure to thank them for their service in reforestation.” I let out a sigh. “Anyway, I think I made progress.”
“I’d say so,” she says as she pops her straw in her juice box. “Great progress.”
“Yeah, so what’s next?”
“I mean, we should definitely get you some more face time with her. Like you said earlier, she needs to get to know you.”
“She does. I think the more she gets to know me, the better off we’ll be.”
“Could not agree more. So here’s what I have planned...”
Chapter Fourteen
