Page 67 of Merry Christmas, You Filthy Animal
An unofficial challenge settling in between us.
Is he... is he bolting before I can bolt?
Before I can even ask, he turns and says, “Excuse me, Frank.”
Frank and Leslie move out of the way, giving him a clear path of escape.
Insult thrashes through me as I watch his retreating back.
Oh no, he doesn’t!
He thinks he’s about to just walk out of here without a word, without saying goodbye?
Sure, I was going to do the same thing, but let’s call a spade a spade. He’s been nicer in this entire situation, and therefore, I hold him to a higher standard. Yes, I know. I heard it too, but I’m outraged, and you can’t reason with someone who’s outraged.
So before I can stop myself, I follow right behind, taking every step down the stairs that he’s taking until we’re both on the gym floor, heading toward the exit.
When he turns around to find me, his pace picks up.
Therefore, my pace picks up.
Together, we walk shoulder to shoulder, heading straight for the exit only for him to say, “Are you following me?”
“No.” I walk past him and make my way out of the gym and into the chilly air.
“Then what are you doing?”
“Uh, I should ask you the same thing. What are you doing?”
“I was going to grab us a treat from the vendors. What are you doing?”
He . . . uh, what now? “Ummm . . .”
Okay, so maybe he wasn’t leaving.
Maybe I’m the ass in this situation.
But hasn’t that been the case the entire time?
“Betty . . . what were you going to do?”
Smiling like I’m a freaking horse, showing off my teeth, I say, “I was going to... uh... help you?”
He tilts his head to the side. “You were going to help me? All huffy and puffy like that?”
“Puffy?” I ask, blinking.
“Uh, like breathingpuffy, not likepuffy, you know,puffyreferring to size. Justhuff and puff, blow your house downkind of thing.” He scratches his jaw. “But bringing it back to you. Why were you leaving?”
“I wasn’t leaving.”
“Yes, you were.”
I shake my head. “No.”
“Then why did you stand up when I stood up?”
Great question.
