Page 201 of Merry Christmas, You Filthy Animal
“I’m not that grumpy,” Cole says on a huff.
Not sure who he’s kidding. He’s incredibly grumpy.
“How are the wedding plans going for Taran and Gus?” I ask.
“Guy,” Betty says, correcting me.
“Fuck, why do I keep doing that?”
“Because you have issues,” Cole says as he gets down on the porch with his daughters and starts playing with them.
“Good so far,” Storee says. “Besides the fact that Guy is set on hiring a polka band for the reception.”
“Oh God, really?” Betty asks.
“Yup. The Kenosha Kickers. Says they only charge a hundred and twenty-two fifty an hour, which apparently is cheaper than a DJ.”
“But it’s polka music,” I say, offended as well.
“Taran’s point exactly.” Storee shakes her head. “I’m not sure it’s a battle she’s going to be able to win, but we shall see.” She sips her lemonade and then asks, “I saw all the cottages were delivered. Are you getting excited? Think you’ll be open by Christmas?”
“That’s the goal,” Betty says with glee. “We’ve been working hard on getting everything set up. The permits took forever, but now it feels like we’re on a roll. We might not have everything ready, but we will be ready enough for at least a soft opening.”
After Christmas, Betty presented her idea to Dwight, who was overwhelmed with the plans. His mind was going a mile a minute, and he even agreed it was a much better idea than the initial one. He’s been engrossed, planning and executing withBetty ever since. I wouldn’t say we’re the best of friends, but we’ve hung out a little while Betty has been around, and we’ve joked a bit. I think there always will be some tension there, but at least we can get along and appreciate each other.
As for Dwight and Ansel, they’re still not friends, and Dwight still hates him, which is understandable. However, Ansel, Felix, and I have been getting together once a month to have lunch. We talk about our businesses and what’s going on in our lives, occasionally reminisce. They’ve also been prepping me on how to run a business in a more modern way since Mom and Dad tend to be a little more old-school. This Christmas, I’ll be taking on the farm myself while Mom and Dad go on another Christmas market vacation, but this time in New York City.
I’m nervous about taking on the farm but excited as well. Over the last twelve months, I’ve also incorporated many of Betty’s excellent ideas for the farm. There are more paved pathways and parking lots, we have secured better rates with more earth-friendly fake tree suppliers, and we’re still investigating snack options. It feels like it’sourfarm too now, which is the best of both worlds in my mind.
“That’s so exciting, and the house, how is it coming along?” Storee asks.
Betty and I started building our own house on Evergreen Farm. It’s been a challenge, but it’s been a lot of fun too, putting together a place that we can call our own.
“Should be in it by the time the baby is born. Thank God, because I would not want to have a baby in the cottage.”
Yeah, we’ve been staying in the cottage together... for months now.
It’s tight, and I keep a lot of my clothes in a shed outside the cottage, but it’s better than sharing a house with my parents. Do you know why?
Because I found popcorn garland in their bedroom one day... just sitting there on the nightstand, and I will tell you right now, I have not been the same since.
It was at that moment that I realized I could not share a home with them anymore.
“I don’t even know where you’d put the baby,” Storee says. “Maybe in the terrarium with Buzz.”
“If the baby is with Buzz, I wouldn’t be changing any diapers,” I say.
Betty rolls her eyes. “He gets out of his cage once, and now Atlas is scared out of his life to be near him.”
“It’s a spider the size of my goddamn fist, so I’m sorry if that is startling.”
“Goddamn,” Florence says on a laugh, while Cole and Storee both give me an evil look.
I nervously laugh. “At least it’s notboner.”
“Goddamn boner,” Florence says while clapping her hands. “Oh, goddamn boner.”
Cole points toward my truck. “Leave.”
