Page 168 of Merry Christmas, You Filthy Animal
“Yes, you do.”
“You act as if you know everything about me.” I scoff. “Clearly, you have no idea.”
He sighs. “Just fucking tell me and get it over with.”
“Fine,” I say, dropping the act, causing Cole to shake his head. “You’re not the only one who knows how to play around with candy when it comes to sex.”
“Oh Jesus.” He rolls his eyes, but I continue.
“Last night, I took a box of chocolate-covered cherries to Betty’s place, and I dragged them all over?—”
“I really don’t need the details,” he says, holding up his hand.
“We did a sixty-nine,” I say, unable to stop myself.
“Come on, man,” he groans. “Jesus, that’s the last thing I need to think about.”
“You think about me in a sexual way?”
Cole stands tall, points to the barn door, and says, “Just leave. I can’t with you right now.”
“You know, that seems to be what you say all the time now. Whatever happened tobest friends forever?”
“You’ve been insufferable lately. Between your parents disappearing, scheming with my wife, and now telling me about cherry sixty-nine bullshit, it’s just... too much.”
“First of all, you promised to take me with sickness and health.”
“Uh, no, I didn’t.”
I steamroll him and say, “And I’d think after how I’ve stood by your side for so many years, you would at least let me gush to you.” I stand from the chair and move toward him. “Dude, I’m not kidding you when I say I think she’s it. I know it hasn’t been long since I’ve known her, but I’m not kidding, man. I feel it in my bones. She’s it.”
That makes him stop what he’s doing and turn toward me. About time he gives me some of that dark attention of his. “You’re being serious? This isn’t some joke?”
I shake my head. “Dead serious, man. I think...” I pull on the back of my neck. “Fuck, I think I’m falling for her.”
“Jesus.” He sets his brush down, finally realizing the importance of the conversation. “I knew you liked her, but falling for her?”
“Yeah, it happened fast. I just... I like her a lot. She’s smart, creative, she knows what she wants, and she’s not shy about it. Not to mention she’s beautiful, amazing in bed, and she gets me. There’s a connection between us that I’ve never felt before, and I plan on doing everything I can to keep her in my life, even burying the hatchet with Dwight.”
“That’s a must if you want to be with her.”
“I know, but I need to figure out why he thinks I’m the one who took his ornament. I asked Tanya the other day, and she had no clue. She asked Martha and Mae, and they had no idea. I just... I can’t figure it out, and I feel like if I had an idea about that, then I’d be able to come to him with answers rather than asking him to believe me that I didn’t do it, you know?”
“Yeah, that would be helpful,” he says, scratching the side of his cheek. “Let me see what kind of digging I can do.”
“You would do that?”
Cole nods and starts brushing Donner again. “You might annoy the fuck out of me, but like you said,best friends forever.”
“Dude.” I spread my arms wide. “Bring it in.”
He side-eyes me. “Don’t make me take back my offer.”
“You’re right. Too much.” Growing serious, I say, “Thanks though, for helping out.”
He nods. “Anything for you.”
And I know he means that.
