Page 158 of Merry Christmas, You Filthy Animal
I chuckle. “I really have a liking for you as well.”
“You better.” She pokes me. “But I’m also worried.”
“Worried about what? Trust me, I’m not going anywhere. And tomorrow when I’m chopping down trees and helping families out at the farm, I’ll be thinking about tonight the entire time.”
“I’m not worried about you. I’m worried about Uncle Dwight.”
“Oh, yeah, I’ve been thinking about that.”
“When he finds out, he’s going to... God, he’ll be so upset with me. He’ll think I betrayed him, that I’m purposefully trying to hurt him. That’s not the case at all. I just think... I think he’s wrong about you, and I need to find a way to make him see that, you know? But I don’t know how when he’s so mad, when he’s so caught up in what he thinks you did.”
“I know. I worry about it too. I want to find a way to talk to him myself, to maybe see what I can do to make it better. We’ve been feuding for years, but at this point, not only am I over it, but I don’t want it to jeopardize anything I have with you.”
“Same.”
“I can talk to him when he gets back, have a serious conversation with him, and hopefully he can listen to me.”
“Maybe I should talk to him first, let him know how I feel.”
I shake my head. “No, I think that will put him on the defense. I think if I talk to him first and possibly clear the air, that might open his mind to the idea of you and me.”
She thinks on that. “Yeah, maybe you’re right.” Then she clears her throat and asks, “On the subject of you and me, is there a definition there? Would you say we’re dating?”
“Yes, I would,” I answer honestly. “Together exclusively if you don’t mind.”
She chuckles. “I prefer the exclusivity part. I don’t need some tree-chopping hussy coming into Evergreen Farm thinking she can proposition you.”
“First of all, never seen a tree-chopping hussy other than you.”
She gasps, making me laugh.
“And even if a tree-chopping hussy propositioned me, I’d say,Sorry, lady, but this dick belongs to Betty.”
“Pretty bold statement.”
“A correct statement.”
She kisses and rubs her thumb over my chest. “How did this all happen? How did we go from me nailing you in the head with a Pepsi bottle to this?”
“I think about that all the time.”
“And seriously, why were you trying to break into my place?”
Groaning in exasperation, I say, “I was not trying to break in.”
She chuckles and kisses my chest again. “Okay, but a crowbar, that’s suspicious.”
“And as a man who has now been to the jail in our small town, I realize it was not the wisest choice of weapon to keep me safe from murderous bears. But let the record state that I had zero intention of breaking into your place. I just wanted a peek inside.”
“Do you regret peeking inside?”
“No,” he answers. “But I do regret bringing chocolate-covered pretzels and popcorn over, because that two-liter to the chest was unnecessary.”
She chuckles. “Self-defense is important.”
“Yeah, I’d hate to meet up with you in a soda aisle at the grocery store, that’s for damn sure. Imagine the carnage.”
“I’d decimate everyone on that battleground.”
