Page 150 of Merry Christmas, You Filthy Animal
I look over, taking in unbuckled black galoshes, a black snow shovel, and a long black jacket. When my eyes make their way up to his face, I know I better watch what I say next, because it’s none other than BKJ.
“Um, milk and cookies,” I say and then clear my throat. “BKJ, great to see you. Umm, out shoveling?”
“Cleaning up some of the sidewalks, making more room. Dad was saying the walking spaces were looking tight, so you know, want to make sure no one gets hurt.” He looks between the two of us. “Dad told me you had a date today. It’s good to see you two together... laughing and having a good time.”
“Yeah, a very good time.” Betty bites down on the corner of her lip and then glances at me, her gaze fleeting.
Uh-oh.
I know that look.
I recognize that feeling.
Hell, I’ve felt it. She’s uncomfortable.
She’s awkward.
She’s about to ramble.
“We’re talking about dipping penises in eggnog.”
And yup, there it is.
Christ. Now I know how Cole feels.
“Pardon me?” BKJ says, tugging on his ear.
“And nipples. Penises and nipples in eggnog,” Betty continues.
“As a joke,” I say, wanting to help out, because wow, probably not what BKJ was thinking he would hear when he walked up to us. “And we weren’t talking about your dad and mom using eggnog in that way. Not even a little.”
“Nor did we say it was how Christmas miracles happen,” Betty continues. “Not one mention of your parents. None at all. And definitely not about how a nip and a tip would connect and make magic. Nope. Not even a little. Because that’s inappropriate and would be way out of line to speak about your parents in such a way, so we would never.”
BKJ raises his brow, his mustache twitching while he stares us down.
I can see Betty’s gulp.
I can feel the back of my neck sweat.
“Yup, nary a mention of them,” I add for good measure.
He studies us for one more second and then says, “You know, you very well might be a perfect match.” He taps the table. “Have a good night.”
Then he takes off, clomping his boots across the hardwood floor until he leaves the bar.
I turn to look at Betty. “Wow, you are not smooth at all.”
Her mouth falls open, mirth all over her expression. “As if you are.”
“Uh, smoother than you.”
“You’re the one who brought up his parents.”
“Well... you brought up the penises, which triggered me to talk about the parents. I wasn’t going to say anything about the eggnog.”
“Oh... you were. It would have been a few seconds, but you would have. Guaranteed. I could see your mind twirling. I honestly think I said that to protect you.”
“Oh, bullshit.” I laugh. “His boots scared you, and therefore you started rambling. I was holding it together.”
