Page 135 of Merry Christmas, You Filthy Animal
“Aren’t instigators always proud of themselves?”
“I think they are. What about you? Any past lovers I need to worry about, driving up here and saying,Don’t touch my woman?”
“Your depiction of my love life is comical,” she says. “They wouldn’t say,Don’t touch my woman.They would say,Let go of my wench.”
I laugh as I cross over to the farm property, the reindeer barn in sight. “Did you date pirates in your past?”
“Yes. You might not know this, but there’s a whole gaggle of pirates in Fort Collins, and I blew through them like a cold breeze on a wintery day. Eye Patch Ezekiel was my most intense lover. He’s the one that I’d worry about.”
“Eye Patch Ezekiel, huh? I’ll be on the lookout for anyone making me walk the plank.”
“He might disguise it under glasses, so I’d be careful.”
“Oof, good point. I’ll just be prepared at all times.”
“Probably best.”
I make the last few steps to the back, and then I grab the shovel that Cole left out. I set Betty on the ground and then shovel around the door so I can get it open.
When everything is clear, I take her glove-covered hand, and we make our way into the reindeer barn, where everything is calm. It’s not warm at all, but they can handle the weather. Cole has draped them all in their blankets, and they seem to be comfortable.
“Wow, why did I think it would be warm in here?”
I chuckle. “Power’s out, babe.”
“Right, that’s still something I’m forgetting. Will they be okay?”
“Yeah, they’re fine.” I move over to their stalls and start checking their feed and water. The water is starting to freeze over, so I take a pick and break it up.
“What can I do?” Betty asks.
“Introduce yourself to the reindeer. Pet them, give them some love. I’m just making sure their water is good. I have toclean out some of these pens, despite hating doing it, and then I’ll top off their feed.”
“I can clean the pens.”
I straighten up. “Over my dead body will you pick up reindeer shit. Jesus Christ, Betty.”
She chuckles. “Why so offended?”
“Because do you really think that’s something I’d allow you to do? No, you’re too goddamn pretty to be picking up shit.”
Her smile grows. “I’d counter that by saying you’re too pretty as well.”
“I know I am. That’s why Cole’s ugly mug usually does it, but he’s not here. Therefore, I have to take care of it.”
She presses her hand to her heart. “You are so brave.”
“Thank you.”
I grab the scoop for poop from the wheelbarrow—ugh, the worst part about snow days—and take it to the first stall.
“Were you ever interested in taking care of the reindeer?” Betty asks as she pets Cupid on the nose.
“I mean, not really. Cole always liked them, and then when his parents passed, it seemed like an easy job for him to take over from my dad, who had gotten older. Carrying around sacks of feed and cleaning up crap has worn on him. It was a great transition.”
“Oh, so your dad took care of the reindeer before Cole?”
“Yeah, and if he were here right now, he would probably do it, even though I’d fight him about it and say I could do it.”
