Page 38 of Merry Christmas, You Filthy Animal
“I thought it was clever.”
“Nah, that was embarrassing.”
I turn to Kate to look for her opinion, and she slightly winces. “It had a bit of a cheese factor to it.”
“Can’t catch a goddamn break,” I mutter as I move past Kate out of the barn and toward the tree shack, where I burst through the door and see her over by the tree catalogs, just browsing.
One hand holding my coffee, the other in my pocket, wanting to show her I’m not a threat, I walk up to her and say, “Can I help you?”
She startles and looks over her shoulder. She’s a jumpy one, that’s for sure.
And is that... is that lavender perfume I smell?
Fucking delightful.
“Why are you sniffing?” she asks, breaking my thoughts.
“What? I’m not sniffing.”
“Yes, you are. I know what sniffing looks like, and you’re clearly trying to sniff me.”
Narrator: She’s got you there, man.
Thankfully, I’m a quick motherfucker.
“Why the hell would I want to sniff you? I got a good whiff last night, and I was unimpressed. Smelled like a moldy pirate’s belt if you ask me.” Her face contorts in confusion. Yeah, not sure where that description came from either. “If you want to know, I have a touch of the sniffles and didn’t want to present myself with snot.”
She eyes me suspiciously and then turns back around, continuing to flip through the pages of the catalog.
Growing very irritated with this woman, I say, “Like I asked before, is there anything I can possibly help you with?”
“You? No.”
Do not lose it on her, Atlas.
Keep it together.
Remember, you’re in your place of business.
Taking a calming breath, I ask, “Well, it seems like you might need help, given how many times you’ve been here. Maybe I can help you find what you’re looking for, so I don’t have to see you here again.”
She turns and crosses her arms over her chest. That camel-colored jacket’s tight around her waist but slightly large over hershoulders, making it seem like she’s wearing shoulder pads. “Do you treat all your customers like this?”
“Do you treat all your competition like this?” I ask, unable to hold back any longer.
A smile creeps over her face. “You see me as competition?”
“I see you as encroaching on someone’s space, which is not allowed in this town.”
“So I’ve heard, but since the property isn’t in town limits, those rules don’t apply to me.” She turns around and takes a picture of the catalog with her phone’s camera.
“Hey,” I say, slapping my hand on the page. “Don’t do that.”
“Do you not allow pictures in your establishment?”
“I don’t allow people trying to copy my family’s business to take pictures. Seriously, what the hell do you think you’re doing?”
“Trying to improve the business you created by not making the same mistakes.”
