Page 36 of Merry Christmas, You Filthy Animal
“Murderous bears. Really?” I ask sarcastically.
He shrugs. “I have an active imagination. Anyway, I wasn’t intending to pry into your house. It was just a stupid thing Ithought would protect me. And when I was looking into your window, I was just trying to see who lived here.”
“And why didn’t you just knock on the door and introduce yourself like a normal human being? Say,Hey, I’m your next-door neighbor? Instead, you chose to part my bush with your crowbar.”
He smirks a stupid smirk. “Part your bush with my crowbar, huh?”
My expression falls. I point at him and say, “Pervert. I knew it. I knew you were a pervert.”
He rolls his eyes. “Come on. That was so obvious. As if I could just let that go.”
“It’s called being an adult.”
“Yes, and as an adult, I can laugh at the fact that it was a funny slip of the tongue. I’m not a pervert. You can ask anyone in this town. I’m an upstanding guy. So maybe you should... I don’t know... unclench a little.”
“Excuse me?” I ask, shifting the gallon of tea, causing him to take another step back.
He holds up his hands in surrender. “Listen, all I’m saying is that maybe if you just lightened up a bit, you’d see how this all has just been one big disaster from the beginning.”
“Yeah, for you.”
“Not intentionally.”
“Uh-huh. So then why were you chasing me around at your farm?”
His jaw grows tight. “I was not chasing you around. I was just trying to have a conversation. You’re the one who freaked out.”
“Well, pardon me for not wanting to be confronted by my attacker.”
He pinches his brow. “I was not attacking you. Yes, I should have knocked and introduced myself rather than peeking in your window. I get that. But for the love of God, I wasn’t trying toharm you. Now I have a cut on my hand, a cut above my eye, and a bruised sternum that proves you’re the dangerous one.”
“It’s called self-defense. Apparently I need it living out here in the woods.”
“Trust me, nothing will bother you out here.”
“Other than large farm owners looking to dominate.”
His expression falls. “The only time I ever dominate is in the bedroom.” He quirks his brow as if thinking about that. “Well, and other things, like competition, but that’s beside the point. I won’t intimidate you. That’s not who I am, and maybe we can, you know, try to get to know each other better.”
“Absolutely not,” I say. “I know enough about you to know that we won’t have any pleasant interactions, so it’s best you just move on.”
“That’s not being fair. You barely know me.”
“I know that you peek in windows and lurk around coffee shops. That’s all I need to know. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to crochet.”
With that, I shut the door on him and set my iced tea down on the counter, only for him to knock on the door one more time.
Sighing, I open the door and say, “What?”
He holds up the broken bag and the can of pretzels and popcorn. “Is it fair to assume you’re uninterested in my peace offering?”
“Very fair,” I answer and then shut the door, a shiver pulsing through my spine.
Sheesh, the nerve of that man.
I reach for my phone and send a quick text to Uncle Dwight.
Betty:Atlas Maxheimer just stopped by. Tried to give me treats as a peace offering.
