Page 28 of Merry Christmas, You Filthy Animal
She glances around to make sure I didn’t attract any concern, which I didn’t. Real great, I live here all my life, and no oneis here to save me. I’ll take that into consideration next time someone is looking for help.
“Do not turn this on me. Typical man.” She snorts derisively and then backs up, keeping her eyes on mine.
“What is that supposed to mean?”
“It means you can’t take accountability for your actions.”
“Says the woman who concussed me,” I shout.
“Because you were trying to break into my cottage and harass me.”
“I was not harassing you,” I say, exasperated.
“Just... just stay away, Maxheimer. You hear me? Stay... away.” And then just like that, she sprints across the street, walking on the other side to avoid me.
I have half a mind to lunge at her, make her think I’m about to attack, only to tie my boot instead, but knowing her, she will twist the move into something of a murderous attack. So instead, I lean against the building again and wait for my friend. I need to right my reputation, and it starts with him.
“Let me hold the baby,” I say to Cole.
“Why?” he asks, clutching Florence, who’s wrapped up in a snowsuit, to his chest.
“Because holding a child will make me seem more likable. Remember, we’re trying to restore my image again.”
“You’re not using my daughter as a pawn in your scheme of making yourself look good.”
“Then why did you come with me if you weren’t going to help?”
“I didn’t come with you. We ran into each other on the sidewalk after you chased me down, yelling my name. I came tohave a muffin with my daughter, not attempt to make you look better.”
I press my fingers into my forehead. “I wasn’t going to bring this up, because I thought that maybe you’d help out of the kindness of your heart, but since I see that the old Cole heart is still black, looks like I’ll have to resort to blackmail.” Looking my best friend in the eyes, I say, “You owe me.”
“I owe you?” he asks, brows raised. “How on earth do I owe you?”
“Three words:holly jolly sidekick.”
His jaw clenches as he stares back at me, knowing that I’ve got him.
Two years ago, when Cole was in his dark place where he couldn’t celebrate Christmas, he pulled a 180 on everyone and entered the town Christmas Kringle competition. The reason? To beat Storee, who entered as well. At the time, they hated each other, but in their case, there was a very thin line between love and hate, and they crossed it without looking back. But during the time when they were hating each other, he volunteered me as his holly jolly sidekick for the competition, which basically meant I had to compete in the challenges with him.
And let me tell you... there were some things that I did that I’d never do again.
Leaning in, he whispers, “You liked doing that.”
“I enjoyed bringing the Christmas spirit out of you. But would I have really strutted on stage in front of the entire town in dog ears and booty shorts? No.”
“Hey, you picked those outfits.”
“To help you win.” I roll my eyes. “Dear God, we had to use our bodies, and the best way to do that was to put you in lederhosen and me in booty shorts. And I was right. So you’re welcome. Not that you ever thanked me at any point during that entire journey. But you know, if you want to continue tobe ungrateful, you can hog your daughter to yourself and let me flail?—”
“For the love of God,” he mutters as he hands me Florence.
I knew it would work.
I grip her tightly and boop her nose with my finger. “Aw, you love your uncle Maxy Poo, don’t you?”
“Don’t call yourself that,” Cole says as he opens the door to Warm Your Spirits and leads the way.
Putting on a smile and channeling my inner Kringle, I walk in behind him with my head held high. I did nothing wrong. I wasn’t trying to break into her house. I wasn’t trying to attack her. I was simply searching for the truth.
