Page 194 of Merry Christmas, You Filthy Animal
Wait, is he serious?
He opens the safe and then rummages through it for a moment before he pulls out an ornament.
“Wait, you’ve kept it?”
“Yeah,” he says. “I felt so fucking terrible. I felt like I needed to keep it in case I ever found out whose it was.”
“Why didn’t you just put it back on the tree?”
“Because the damage had been done. It’s not like that person was going to go and make another wish or ever go back to the tree, because of the shit experience they had.”
“Yeah, I guess you’re right.”
He stares down at the ornament and then locks up his safe and puts the picture back.
“You should give it back to him,” I suggest.
“Yeah, I know.”
And to be honest, I’m surprised by the response, because I would have assumed, given my brother’s nature, that he would have put up a fight about my suggestion.
“Really?” I ask.
He glances at me. “Really? I can be a nice guy, Atlas. I know right from wrong, and what I did was wrong.”
I scratch the back of my head, perplexed. “Um, sorry, I’m just... not to be a dick, but I’m having a hard time grasping the idea that you feel bad given how you’ve been, well, our entire lives.”
“What is that supposed to mean?” he asks.
“It means that you’ve been an asshole to me our entire lives.”
His brow creases. “An asshole? Our entire lives? That seems like an awfully big statement, don’t you think?”
“Tell me it’s not true,” I say, feeling vulnerable. “It’s always been you and Felix, because you’re closer in age. I’ve been the outsider, and you’ve treated me like that. You picked on me. You’ve downplayed my abilities. You’ve even made it hard for me to date by constantly getting in my business. It hasn’t been a walk in the park being your brother, so yeah, I’m a bit surprised.”
He takes a seat on the edge of the desk and sets the ornament down. “I didn’t know you felt that way. I guess I just thought I was being an older brother.”
“Yeah, well . . .”
“And you always had Cole,” he says. “I didn’t think you cared much because you were always with him. You still are.”
“I’m grateful for Cole, don’t get me wrong, but don’t you think I would have wanted to have the same relationship with my actual brother?”
His eyes meet mine, and I can see the regret in them. “Yeah, I’d think so.” He sighs. “Shit, dude, I’m sorry. I should have been better. I should be better.”
“I shouldn’t have held on to the animosity either.” I can see that I’ve done the exact same thing Dwight has done.Not talked.“That’s on me too.”
He nods. “Maybe we both need to be better.”
“I can agree to that,” I say.
He lets out a deep sigh. “Christ, didn’t think I’d be having this conversation today.”
“Yeah, neither did I.”
“What brought it up?”
“Betty,” I say. “Really fucked up with her, and I’m trying to make it better. It starts with making amends with Dwight, which meant having to see you.”
