Page 134 of Merry Christmas, You Filthy Animal
“It’s either that or I pull you in a sled. Take your pick.”
She sighs and then checks out the toboggan next to the house. “Fine, piggyback ride. I refuse to be pulled around in a sled.”
“That’s fine.”
I back up to the stairs and turn around so she can hop on. It takes her a second in her snow gear, but once she’s on my back, I start making our way through the snow and out toward the reindeer barn.
“Are you sure you can handle this?”
“I lift trees for a living and work on a farm. Carrying you on my back through over a foot of snow really is nothing.”
“Well, it seems like a lot to me.”
“Just remember this when I attempt to undress you later but get a cramp.”
She chuckles. “Let’s make sure you have some electrolytes in you then, because I wouldn’t want you cramping up while thrusting.”
“Yeah, nothing erases a boner more than a charley horse.”
She laughs, her chest bumping against my back. “Ever have a boner erased?”
“Twice,” I answer with no shame. “First one was when I was enjoying myself in the shower and my mother walked in, needing to grab the hair dryer. She rummaged around for what felt like an hour, which deflated the dick rather quickly.”
“I could imagine.”
“And then when I was mid-thrust after a long day on the farm, I cramped up, and yeah, things softened really quick. I ended up finishing the girl off with my tongue, but it was embarrassing, and we never went out again.”
“Wait, seriously?” she asks.
“Yeah, I think the whole softened penis inside her wasn’t her favorite thing.”
“Yeah, but that’s no reason for her not to see you again.”
I shrug. “Wasn’t the right person for me. That was more of awe’re single and need to get out some energything.”
“Oh. Does she still live here?”
“No,” I answer. “She’s over in Aspen now, making hats for rich people.”
“Do you have any past lovers who still live here?”
“Nervous?” I playfully ask.
“I mean, just nice to know.”
“Uh, a girlfriend from high school, but she’s married now with kids.”
“Is it . . . is it Storee?”
I let out a huge laugh. “No. She didn’t grow up here.”
“Oh, that’s right, duh. But wouldn’t that be awkward if she did?”
“Awkward? No. I’d have way too much fun with that, bugging Cole all the time that she was mine before his.”
“I could see you doing that.”
“It’s who I am. Not ashamed. Kind of proud of it.”
