Page 106 of Merry Christmas, You Filthy Animal
“Wait.” He pauses and then sits up. “Is that why you were there at Cupid Christmas Night?”
I smirk. “Yeah, dude. It was all planned.”
“You fucker. That was my one night out with my wife.”
“It was her idea.” I hold my hands up. “And you still had your night out. It just started with me, but it ended with her.”
“So what now? You like her, and she thinks you’re an ass?”
“Pretty much,” I say.
“So tell her you’re not.”
A gust of wind blows, and the lights flicker. I glance around the room, knowing exactly what’s going to happen. “Not that easy, man. Dwight convinced her that I’m a con artist, so anything that I say to her will be perceived as disingenuous.” I glance outside, taking in the snow that’s starting to blow around. “Dude, you should get home before it gets bad.”
He looks out the window as well and nods in agreement. When he stands, he asks, “Want to come with me? Pack a bag real quick. You know you’re going to lose power.”
“It’s fine. I have the Yeti battery packs and the generator, plus I stocked up on wood. I’m good.”
“Food?” he asks.
“Good on that too.”
“What about your mental health? Will you be okay alone? Maybe you should just come with me so you can at least... chat with Storee about this mess you guys got in.”
And see, he is a good guy. It’s times like this when I want everyone to see that my best friend isn’t a complete grump and that he really does care about me.
“I’m good,” I say. I head over to him at the door. “Seriously, you don’t want me sulking around your house. Plus I can check on the reindeer if I’m here.”
“I gave them extra feed, so they should be good, but yeah, I appreciate that.” He heads toward the door and grips the handle. “You sure?”
“Positive,” I say.
“Okay.” He lets out a deep breath and then turns toward me. “You’re a fucking moron for getting yourself into this disaster. Let it be known that I truly believe that.”
“Uh . . . thanks?”
“But,” he continues, “if you like her, then you have to set the record straight. Not sure how you’re going to do that, but you need to.”
“Yeah, thanks for stating the obvious.”
He pats my shoulder. “That’s what I’m here for. Let us know if you need anything. Stay warm.”
“I will,” I say, and then he takes off.
I grab my phone from my pocket and pull up the weather app. I quickly look over what’s coming my way and mentally go through the routine. It’s going to be a long, cold night.
Betty
“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” I say as I try flipping the breaker again, the wind whipping around me, snow getting thrust in my eyes. My nose is nearly freezing off my face.
When nothing happens, I realize that I’m absolutely fucked. I shut the panel and then head back to the front of the cottage, where I knock the snow off my boots and then get back inside.
When I shut the door, I shed my winter jacket and snow pants, drape them over the back of a chair, and rub my hands together, looking around my small cottage.
What the hell am I going to do?
Panic sets in because I have no electricity. Not even a backup battery anywhere. Believe me, I checked. My heat source has turned off. There is no way I’ll be able to drive anywhere, andeven if I could, Dwight isn’t home. He left. So it looks like I’m hunkering down through this storm.
