Page 173 of Till Summer Do Us Part
“Why are you telling me this now?” Sanders asks.
“Because I just had a conversation with another camper, asking me for advice on how I was able to make things right with Wilder, and I realized that being deceitful is helping no one. And in the long run, I don’t want to keep up with the charade.” I look Sanders in the eyes. “I’m really sorry I wasted your time. ThatI made a mockery of this camp by lying. You deserve so much more respect than what I’ve given you.” Then I look at Wilder. “And I’m sorry I wasted your time and that I put you through a week of carrying my baggage.”
“You didn’t,” he says quickly, but I keep moving forward.
“I called my friend. She’s coming to pick me up. I really don’t want to stay much longer. I hope that’s okay. And again, I’m really sorry.”
I go to stand, but Sanders holds out his hand. “One moment.” He crosses his arms across his chest and studies me and Wilder. “So you’re telling me you two are not in a relationship?”
“No.” I shake my head.
“But you pretended to be?”
“That’s correct,” I answer. “And like I said, I’m really?—”
“I know you’re sorry,” he says. “I’m just trying to understand what the hell I see between you two though. Because what I’ve noticed the last few days, that is not made up. The way you look at each other, touch each other, work so well together—that’s not improv.”
“It’s not for me,” Wilder says.
I wet my lips. “It wasn’t for me either.”
“So then you two have feelings for each other.” Sanders motions between the two of us.
“Um, I mean?—”
“Yes,” Wilder says. “I have feelings for her.”
I look in his direction and he nods.
“I do, Pips. I have feelings for you.”
“I do too,” I say shakily. “You know I do.”
“Then why are you having Denise, I’m assuming, come to pick you up?”
“Because I’m scared,” I answer honestly. “Really scared. I shouldn’t have feelings for someone I just met, and here I am…thinking about you all the time, loving being next to you,wanting to see your handsome face whenever I get a chance. I don’t…I don’t want to get hurt, and everything I’m feeling right now is setting me up for that.”
“Are you going to hurt her?” Sanders asks Wilder.
He pauses for a moment, his eyes moving between me and Sanders. Then, in an uncertain tone, he answers, “I don’t want to.”
And that right there…that’s the problem.
That single answer pushes a wave of insecurity through me.
He’s an honest man, I know this about him. Yet he doesn’t seem to give a definitive answer when asked about relationships. It’s an “I don’t want to” or “I think I want that.”
I can’t work with “I think.” I need to know exactly what he wants.
“But you think you might?” Sanders asks.
Wilder looks me in the eyes and then glances down at his hands. “I don’t want to.”
And that’s the answer I was looking for.
That’s the answer I needed.
I like him a lot.
