Page 153 of Till Summer Do Us Part
I clear a spot on the ground, and then I take a seat and pull her down in front of me, allowing her to lean her back against my chest.
“Is it kind of weird that we only have a few days left here?” she asks as I loop my hand around her stomach.
“Yeah. Feels like we were just checking in the other day and marking up a golf ball with a Sharpie about our nonexistent relationship. And then opening our prize to be shocked by dildos and cock rings. Kind of wish I didn’t go on a tirade and toss those to all your coworkers now.”
“As if you would have used them,” she scoffs.
“Uh, Pips, you’re damn right I would have used them. If I had known that we’d be hooking up in the sex cabin, I would have kept every single thing, even the nipple picture.”
She laughs. “You know, I kind of miss the nipple picture.”
“So do I. Also, what the hell happened to the porn videos? Weren’t we supposed to get those every night?”
She pauses to think about it. “Were we?”
“I don’t know. I thought we were.”
“Maybe they didn’t send because we were fighting, and they saw the room all cleared out. I bet you they checked on our room every day to ask the walls if we were doing it. You know how Sanders is. He probably told everyone to hold with the sex until we were actually ready for the sex.”
“So does that mean there could be a video tonight?” I ask.
“I don’t know. Do you want a video?”
“I want to watch one with you,” I say honestly. “I think it would be hot as hell, seeing you get turned on, letting me play with you while you watch.”
“You’d like that?”
“Fuck yes, Pips. I’d love to fuck you with my tongue while you were turned on by someone else getting off. You don’t think that sounds hot?”
“I mean…I never thought of things like that before. My sex life was very bland with Matt. There wasn’t much that we did other than the regular things because he felt comfortable doing that. So watching someone else get off while I was getting off, I don’t know…maybe that does sound thrilling.”
I move my hand under her shirt and say, “Well, if they don’t send us a video, then we can do it when we get back to the city.”
I feel her stiffen. “Back to the city?” she asks.
“Uh, yeah. Do you think this is over when camp is over?”
“I don’t know.” She turns to look at me. “I thought that maybe this was just a here thing.”
I lift my brows. “Do you want it to just be a here thing?” She wets her lips, and I can see she’s about to say “I don’t know,” so I cut her off. “Tell me the truth. Don’t tell me that you don’t know. Don’t beat around the bush because you’re scared of what I might say or do. Tell me what you want.”
She looks down and takes a few seconds but then says, “I don’t want to get hurt. Matt hurt me…badly. And being here with you, that’s helped me so much with dissecting those feelings andfinding closure. But I know where you stand when it comes to relationships, so…I don’t want to grow too attached, you know? I think fooling around here, having some fun, I think that’s fine. But I don’t know what that means for after camp.”
I get it.
I really do.
She’s strong but she’s also incredibly fragile. I understand that feeling of not wanting to get hurt, and it’s not like I’ve given her any indication that I’d be ready and willing to be in a relationship. Hell, I don’t even know where I stand with all that.
I do know that I like Scottie. A lot. She’s unlike anyone I’ve ever met. She intrigues me. She keeps my attention. She challenges me. She makes me laugh. She’s fucking fun to be around, and if that wasn’t enough, she drives me fucking wild with need, and I’ve never felt that before. I’ve never felt this unfiltered urge to claim someone, to make them mine. But the second her lips met mine, there was something inside me that snapped, popped, that woke me the fuck up and told me to pay attention.
And now that I am paying attention, I know one thing for certain: I don’t think I want this to end in a few days. I want to keep seeing her, but given the doubt she carries in her chest thanks to her ex, I don’t think me coming out and saying I want to try things out with her will go over well. I know that doubt would creep in, especially after I told her I wasn’t ready for a relationship. So maybe I need to handle this a little differently.
“I respect that,” I say. “But I need you to know something, Scottie.” I smooth my palm over her stomach. “I have no intention of hurting you. Ever.”
“I know that. I’ve found that out quickly while being here with you.”
“And I like you…a lot. Okay. And I don’t need you to respond or really say anything about what life is going to look like afterwe leave camp, but I do need you to sit on those two facts. I would never hurt you. And I like you. Can you do that for me?”
