Page 82 of Bridesmaid By Chance
Hudson: He wasn’t walking like he is.
Hardy: Maybe he rolls and tucks it.
Hudson: If I rolled and tucked my dick, I would be waddling around like a goddamn penguin.
Hardy: Shhh, for the love of God, don’t mention penguins. JP went on a rant the other day about them. I swear, if you talk about it too much, he’ll sense it. I can’t get on another one of his donation trains, man. I can’t.
Hudson: You have issues.
Hardy: Says the guy who’s mad that his wife, a wife he’s not supposed to be attached to, isn’t attached to him.
Hudson: Seriously, what am I supposed to do?
Hardy: Job one, forget about Sloane and any sort of attachment. It’s best this way. You and I both know that. Two, find out if Orgasm Boy is hung like a horse. Inquiring minds want to know.
Hudson: You’re not fucking helpful.
Hardy: Could have told you that from the start of this text thread.
Hudson: You know, when you were going through shit, I was helpful. Where’s the return?
Hardy: When I was going through shit, you were yelling at me for falling for a girl that works with our sister. You’re falling for a girl who is our sister’s sister-in-law and the sister of our fucking business partner. Awkwardness and sarcasm are the only reasons I’m not gnawing my leg off from nerves at the moment.
Hudson: And this is why being the older brother is more difficult.
Hardy: That and the age, your back is always going to hurt more than mine. Although I say that now, but you should have seen the position Everly had me in last night. I thought I was going to snap my spine.
Hudson: I don’t want to hear it.
Hardy: Jealous, I know. Probably been a while since you’ve had sex.
Hudson: Too fucking long.
Hardy: Shame you need to keep it in your pants.
Hudson: Yeah, trust me, it’s not coming out.
Hardy: Just the answer I wanted to hear. Good thing you have more self-control than I did. Although, my situation seemed to work out for me. Think Jude would take kindly to you messing with his sister?
Hudson: What the hell do you think?
Hardy: I think he’d sit on your head until you stopped breathing.
Hudson: Exactly.
Hardy: Well, glad we got that covered. Hey, serious question.
Hudson: What?
Hardy: Have you ever had your balls tickled by a feather? Everly did it to me last night and I pre-ejaculated.
Hudson: What the actual fuck, Hardy?
Hardy: What?
Hudson: Don’t fucking say shit like that.
Hardy: You’re my brother. Who the hell else am I supposed to share that with?
