Page 211 of Bridesmaid By Chance
I want to touch her, hold her, pull her in close, but I know there’s no way in hell she’s going to let me do that, so I turn toward her instead, closing the distance between us so there are only inches rather than feet keeping us apart.
I tug on my hair again, my nerves shot as I try to gather my words, to explain to her what’s going on in my head.
“I…I’m sorry, Sloane. It feels so empty saying that, because they’re just words, anyone can say I’m sorry, but fuck, I feel it. I’m not just saying it. I’m feeling it.” Her eyes look up, giving me an ounce of her energy. “You have been so great on this trip. You’ve been incredible, making this deal actually plausible, and…and…I messed up, terribly. You opened my eyes, showed me that I could trust someone with my insecurities, with my worries. You gave me comfort when I didn’t know I needed it. But when I found out that my dad knew about us, instead of leaning on you like I should have, I blacked out. I flipped into damage control. I thought I was protecting you, but instead, I was hurting you. I was caught up with my dad, with keeping our marriage a secret, with trying to figure this lawsuit out, and I pushed you aside. I was scared, and I hurt you.” I shake my head. “I handled the situation so poorly and didn’t keep you safe the way I said I would. I let fear enter your heart. I allowed you to question, to fret, to feel isolated.” Tears fall down her cheeks. “And fuck, if I could do it all over again, I would not have left without you. I never should have left you.”
She swipes at her cheeks.
“I know I hurt you, and I don’t deserve for you to even give me this time, but fuck, I…I don’t want you to leave.”
“Please, Hudson.” She shakes her head. “I can’t…I can’t?—”
“I have feelings for you too,” I say, cutting her off.
“No.” She goes to stand but I press my hand to her leg. Her eyes meet mine in anger. In pain. “You don’t have feelings for me, Hudson. Don’t play with me like that.”
“I would never fucking say something I didn’t mean, especially when it comes to you,” I say harshly. “I’m…I’m falling for you.”
“No.” She shakes her head again. More tears. “Please, please don’t say that.”
“Why?”
“Because I can’t handle it. I don’t believe you. You’re, you’re upset about Jude and Haisley, and you’re saying that to save face with them.”
“I’m not fucking lying,” I say.
“I don’t believe you,” she yells back. “Because if you were falling for me”—her voice cracks—“you never would have treated me the way that you did.”
“I was scared, Sloane,” I shout back. “I was trying to save the business from my father’s grasp. I was gearing up to face him, and I thought that if I focused on you, if I gave in to my feelings for you in that moment, I wouldn’t have been able to stand up to my father. Because you’re…you’re my weakness.”
“Is that supposed to make me feel better?”
“No.” I shake my head. “But it’s the truth. I didn’t answer you because I was scared to think about you. I couldn’t think about you out here by yourself. I couldn’t think about the look on your face when I told you I was leaving. I had to block it out, and it wasn’t the right way to handle it. I know that now. I know that I put business over you…again, and I fucked up. I’ve never felt like this before. I didn’t know how to fucking react. I’ve never had a good example of love, and that seems like an excuse, but it’s the reality of the situation. I fucked up what we had. I never told you how I was feeling when I should have because I was afraid of being weak, but I’m here now, telling you. Fucking telling you the truth.”
Her lip trembles as she stares at me. What I wouldn’t give to be in that head of hers. To hear her thoughts, to know what her next move is going to be because I’ve never been in a situation like this before. I’ve never confessed feelings for someone, let alone begged them to stay with me. The entire situation has my stomach in knots and my heart nearly beating out of my chest.
“Believe me, Sloane,” I say. “Please. You’ve made me a stronger man. You’ve supported me; you’ve showed me that life isn’t always about business but about having fun, joking, laughing. You opened my eyes, you helped me, giving me strength to face my father. You’ve changed so much so quickly, and I can’t…” I gulp. “I can’t have you leave. Please…stay.”
She stares at me, almost dumbfounded. And for a second, I think that maybe I’ve gotten through to her, that she’ll give me a chance, until she slowly stands and moves toward the door. I stand as well, my heart ripping out of my chest as she picks up her purse and grips her suitcase, closing the space between her and the door.
With one last effort, I walk up behind her, and as she opens the door, I press my hand to the cool wood, keeping it closed while my body lines up against her back.
“Please,” my voice cracks. “Please don’t leave me.”
She looks over her shoulder at me. “Hudson.”
“I’m not lying,” I say in desperation. “I…I’m falling for you. Please don’t leave me in pieces like I left you. I’m not as strong as you, Sloane. Please. I can’t…I can’t say goodbye to you. I can’t stomach it. Stay. Hate me but stay.”
Tears fall down her cheeks as she says, “I do, I hate you.”
“I know, baby,” I say quietly, causing more tears to fall from her eyes.
“I hate you so much.” She turns more toward me, so I lift my hand to her cheek and swipe at her tears with my thumb.
“I know.”
Then she drops her purse and buries her head in my chest, sobswracking her small frame as she repeats “I hate you” over and over again.
And I take it.
