Page 160 of Bridesmaid By Chance
“I don’t know,” he answers, sounding hopeless. “If it is, there are a lot of people who are going to be fucked. You know, it’s not just about me. It’s about my brother, your brother, my sister, the Cane brothers, Maggie and Brody, Everly. There is so much connected to us that, if my father takes it over, I know he will destroy it out of spite.”
I stare out at the park, wishing there was something I could do, something smart I could say, but I truly feel helpless in this moment. I don’t feel like I have anything I can offer him of value and that makes me upset.
“What’s that look on your face?” he asks.
“What look?”
“A disappointed look.”
“Oh, I was just thinking about how I can’t really help you in thissituation. Like, I don’t know what to say or do. I have zero advice, zero ideas. Feels kind of helpless, you know?”
“You’re not, though.” He links our hands together. “You’re here, and that counts.”
“Great. I’m here. That’s reassuring.”
He chuckles. “Do you know what I would be doing right now if I were alone and you weren’t here?”
“No.”
“I would be in my hotel room, not a single light on, drunk off my ass. No one would be able to get in touch with me. I wouldn’t want to talk to anyone. I would sulk. I would destroy myself because that’s how I would feel, like everything is collapsing around me and I would just let it happen.” He tangles our fingers together. “But I’m not doing that, not with you here.”
This feels intimate.
This feels much deeper than a marriage deal.
This feels like he’s crossing over to something so much more.
And I shouldn’t allow the conversation to keep going because that’s not what we do, but I can’t help it. I’m curious.
“Why not?” I ask.
His eyes meet mine. “Because I don’t want you to see me like that.”
“Why not?” I ask again, pushing him to give me the truth.
He glances away for a moment and then says, “Because I’m supposed to be the one protecting you, shielding you. Not the other way around.”
“I would though,” I say. “I would protect you, Hudson. I would help you, comfort you, be there for you. You don’t always have to put on a front like everything will be okay. If you want to drink, if you want to sulk, I can be there for you. We don’t have to be sitting in a park, fresh air all around us, trying to put on a happy face. If you want, I will be there for you for whatever mood you need to be in.”
He shakes his head. “I don’t want that.”
“Then what do you want?”
“You,” he says.
“All of me?” I ask.
He wets his lips and nods. “Yes, all of you.” He’s so confusing, but in this moment, I can only imagine he’s not talking about forever. But for now, I can commit to him and only him.
“Well, I’m yours, Hudson.”
“All of you?”
“All of me,” I answer.
As long as I don’t fall in love with you and give you my heart.
I walk out to the living room, fresh from the shower, wrapped in my robe as I look around the living room. Hudson took a phone call, so I told him I wanted to wash up from the day and took my time to give him privacy.
