Page 48 of The Path to Loving Him
Now the question is, what will I choose?
It’s an easy answer. Take a few steps toward that door and let your pace propel you out of this house and up those apartment stairs.
I don’t want to mess with him.
But then, I look back at him, at that devilish glare, and memories of the night we shared come flooding in. God, he was so good. The best I’ve ever had. It was addicting, getting that one taste and having to quit him after that. Torture, actually.
And now that he’s here, my neighbor, the man whose shower I use when the sun settles, it’s hard not to think back to that night and imagine what it would feel like if he took me by my hair, lowered me down, and let me suck him.
Let him bend me over.
Let him fuck me.
“You’re not moving,” he says.
“I’m . . . I’m thinking.”
He pushes off the wall, knowing exactly what he’s doing. “What are you thinking about?”
How much I told myself I wasn’t going to do this.
How he told me there’s no way he’d ever go near me again.
How this moment, right here, our eyes connected, hunger in both, was completely off the table.
“N-nothing,” I say, my breath starting to seize in my lungs.
Leave, Gabby.
Just leave.
He moves forward again, his swagger a drug as he stands right in front of me. “You’re thinking, but you’re thinking about nothing. Tell me how that makes sense.” He tucks a stray piece of wet hair behind my ear, his fingers lingering on my cheek.
“It doesn’t,” I answer.
“Then why say it?”
“Because . . .”
“Because why?” he presses.
I try to look away, but he grips my chin and forces me to keep eye contact. And with the three seconds that our eyes meet, I know this is a losing battle. There’s no way I’m leaving this house without getting fucked.
Not with the mood he’s in.
Not with my neediness.
Not with this electricity bouncing between us.
So I say, “I didn’t want you to know what I was really thinking about.”
“Why not?” He moves an inch closer.
“Because of the conversation we had out in the driveway.”
He nods in understanding. “Tell me what you were thinking about.”
I shake my head. “You don’t want to know.”
