Page 231 of The Path to Loving Him
My throat grows tight as I continue.
“You’re a coach, someone those boys look up to, rely on, and seek out for help. You’re a teacher and an educator, impacting every kid in your class. You’re a brother, the head of the family, taking over when your dearest Cassidy passed. You’re the glue,keeping your sisters close and ensuring your love for each other keeps growing. You’re a boyfriend, a lover, a man I respect with everything in me. A man I can trust with my life. A man I will never stop loving, ever. But most importantly, Ryland”—my voice grows tense—“you’re Uncle Dad.” I hear him sniff, so I continue to run my hands through his hair. “You mean the world to that little girl. You are her best friend, the man she’ll look up to for the rest of her life. You stepped up when she lost her dad, you stepped up when she lost her mom, and now, you’re the center of her life. You always will be.”
His body shakes under my hold, his tears pooling on my legs.
“We can overcome this setback. But first, you need to accept who you are and who you’re not. You are the man I just described. You are not the man who held you with his fists, who abused you, who taught you nothing about love but rather everything about hate. You’re not that man. You don’t even have an ounce of him in you.”
I take a chance and encourage him to lift to look me in the eyes. Thankfully, he does, and when he leans against the wall, I straddle his lap and bring my hands to his cheeks.
I lean in and press a very light kiss to his lips. I pause, waiting, and I do it again. This time, he kisses me back.
And then he kisses me again.
And again as his hand loops behind my neck.
When he pulls away, he connects our foreheads and quietly says, “I’m sorry, Gabby. I’m so fucking sorry. I love you. I really fucking love you. So much.”
“I know,” I say, rubbing my thumb over his cheek. “I know you do.”
“I didn’t mean it. I didn’t fucking mean it.”
“I know.” I kiss him again. “I know, Ryland.”
He lets out a shaky breath as more tears stream down his cheeks. “She . . . she hates me.”
“She doesn’t,” I reply. “I can promise you right now, she does not hate you. She might be scared, but we can fix that. There’s no way she hates you. You’re Uncle Dad, the love for you will always be there.”
He shakes his head. “That look in her eyes . . . it haunts me.”
“I’m so sorry. I’m sorry you had to see that, and I’m sorry you were put in a position where you had to help me.”
“I lost it,” he says quietly. “Seeing a man attack you like that, I lost my goddamn mind. I forgot about Mac and putting her first. I never should have punched Nathan. I should have just pushed him away.”
“Ryland.” I kiss his forehead and his nose and his lips. “I know not all parents will be perfect throughout their life. There will be mistakes, and there will be moments when you’ll have to sit down with your child and apologize for your behavior. But it’s having those honest conversations, showing humility, teaching your child how to apologize, those are the teachable moments and that’s what this is. This doesn’t end anything. This is just the start of that journey of sifting through this world of parenting. You can’t give up on that little girl. She lost her parents, don’t let her lose you too.”
His eyes search mine, and after a few seconds, he nods.
And then he wraps his arms around me and hugs me, squeezing me tight.
“I love you, Gabby. Thank you.”
“I love you, too, Ryland.”
Chapter Thirty-Five
RYLAND
“I don’t feel very good,” I say as I put the truck in park, Aubree and Wyatt’s farmhouse right in front of us.
“I know, but I promise, it will be okay. Just be honest with her.”
“Yeah.” I push my hand through my hair and stare at the house that once was mine, a house that I moved into when my sister was sick. A house that I watched my sister slowly die in. A house where I had to witness my sister say goodbye to her daughter. And a house I thought Mac would grow up in—that was until her entire life fell apart.
Now, it’s a reminder of what she lost, and like Gabby said, she’s lost so much. She can’t lose me too.
We took the night last night for me to gather myself. I was too fucking emotional, still too raw to talk to Mac like I need to speak to her today. Instead, I spent the evening with Gabby, lying in bed together, in each other’s arms. She showed me just how much she loves me by never leaving my side, by wiping mytears when they flowed, and by never once judging me but rather reiterating how she thinks I’m such a good man.
The affirmations took a while to set in and for me to believe, but as the night went on, and the more she repeated herself, the more I took her examples into consideration, the more I realized just how right she was.
