Page 217 of The Path to Loving Him
“Baby, tell me. Is it Bennett?” I shake my head, my teeth pulling on the bottom of my lip as I hold up my phone to him.
Ryland takes it and keeps his hand in mine as he reads through the text messages.
I watch as his concerned face slowly morphs into anger. The V in his brow deepens. And then there’s the tick in his jaw.
His eyes tear away from the phone as he looks up at me. “Block his number. Right fucking now.”
He hands me my phone.
“Right now, Gabby.”
With shaky hands, I try to figure out how to do it, but my mind is flying a mile a minute, and instead of doing what I’m supposed to do, I remain still. Unmoving.
“Gabby,” he says, softer now. Tears stream down my cheeks, and he pauses for a moment to study me. Then he takes my phone for me. I watch him scroll through the messages, and hepauses again. “Wait, this isn’t the first time he contacted you. He . . . he texted you when Bennett was brought up. Why didn’t you tell me?”
My mouth’s shaking. “I . . . I didn’t want to bother you.”
“Bother me? Jesus, Gabby, this is not bothering me. This is . . . this is telling me something important. You should have blocked his number then.” When I don’t say anything, he sets my phone down and forces me to look him in the eyes. “What’s going on here? Are there feelings still there?”
“No,” I say quickly, my eyes widening as I shake my head. “No. There are zero feelings there.”
“Then why are you hanging on to this? Why are you letting him hurt you like this?”
“I . . . I don’t know. He just, he has a hold on me and not in a good way.”
Ryland calmly stands and then sits down in his chair, pulling me onto his lap. His arm loops around my back as I bring my head to his shoulder, more tears streaming down my face.
“I’m not that person he says I am. I’m not.”
“I know,” he says softly. “Everyone knows that.”
“Then why do I somewhat believe him?”
“You shouldn’t. He’s fucking with your head because he’s pathetic. He knows he fucked up, and he’s missing out on the greatest thing that’s ever happened to him. He wants to have that hold on you. That’s why he’s texting. He’s trying to take up space in your brain, and you’re letting him. You can’t, Gabby.”
“I know.” My voice is quiet, distant, my mind flying away to the days when Nathan was the one who held me. When Nathan was the one who offered me advice when I was sad, yet he wasn’t like Ryland. He didn’t put his whole heart into consoling me. He didn’t love me.
When he said those words, they were empty, but when Ryland says them, they’re full of meaning. Full of sincerity and truth.
“When I look at you, all I see is magnificence. Selflessness. Strength. And hopefully...my future.”
No, Ryland would never say things that cut me down or made me feel less.
Ryland rubs my back and kisses my forehead. “I’m sorry,” I whisper.
“Don’t. Don’t fucking apologize. You don’t need to be sorry. You did nothing wrong. You . . . you’re so much more than those texts. He was not part of your journey with Bennett. You did that on your own, both of you, so don’t you dare let him try to take credit for that. You hear me, Gabby? Don’t let him into your head.”
“Okay.” He kisses my forehead again as I fall silent. Unsure of where to go from here because the damage has been done—I read the words—they’re settling in, even though I know they’re not true. They’ll still sit there and fester. They’ll make me feel less than I am, less than I’ve always felt growing up. He struck a nerve. He knew what he was doing, and working through this will take an abundance of strength.
Wounds will heal, but when they’re reopened, they take longer and more effort to mend. Even at that, they’re never the same.
Nathan knew what he was doing by sending those texts. The question is, how will I rise above this? How will I not let it hurt what I have in my life now?
“Talk to me,” Ryland says, breaking through my thoughts. “What are you thinking? What are you feeling? I want you to be open with me. Tell me how I can help you.”
“Sad,” I say, honestly. “Sad that I’m letting him hurt me like this. That I’m letting these old emotions of feeling less than hurtme like they did years ago. I’m sad that I’m not strong enough to deal with my feelings and you have to coax it out of me.”
“Hey.” He lifts my chin so I have to look at him. “That’s what I’m here for. A relationship is about helping each other, being there for one another, and offering unconditional love, even when sifting through tough things.”
