Page 141 of The Path to Loving Him
I know what you must be thinking—what are you doing? Ryland would hate this.Are you doing this on purpose?
No, I’m doing this because there needs to be separation between me and Ryland. I realized that when we had sex in the shower, and then he got pissed about Christian the next day.
We’re not attached. Ryland has no claim over me. He has said he doesn’t want a relationship. He doesn’t want the distraction, yet we keep falling into a dangerous pattern whereI’m going to get hurt in the long run, because I can see myself falling for him.
Falling for him and the feeling being unreciprocated.
And that can’t happen. Therefore, there needs to be separation. My shower’s currently being fixed and should be ready to use in a few days once the tile and everything are set. I don’t eat in the teachers’ lounge anymore because I don’t want any more instances of jealousy. And when it comes to baseball, well, we talk baseball, and I think he gets it.
Because he hasn’t pushed me for more.
He hasn’t talked to me when I take showers.
And we’ve been able to completely separate ourselves, which I truly think is for the best.
This is what it should have been all along.
And now that I’ve had some breathing room, I can focus on something else . . . possibly someone else.
“I’ve missed you in the teachers’ lounge,” Christian says. “I thought that maybe you were avoiding me.”
I’m avoiding someone, but not you.
“Gets kind of stuffy in there, and I like the big windows in my classroom,” I say. “Not avoiding you at all. I’m actually glad you came into my room. I thought about inviting you to have lunch with me in here, but I didn’t want to be too forward.”
He smirks. “I would have accepted the invitation instantly.”
“Oh yeah?”
“Yeah,” he says, his cheeks blushing.
“Good to know, guess I won’t make that mistake again.”
“I’d prefer if you didn’t.” He opens up his protein yogurt and starts plopping berries in it.
“Looks like you copied my lunch idea.”
“I did actually. When I saw you bring it last week, I told myself what a great idea it was and that I wanted to do the samething. Only thing is”—he reaches into his lunch bag and pulls out another yogurt—“I need two.”
I chuckle. “A growing boy?”
“Trying to bulk up a bit. You know, make myself irresistible.” Now my cheeks blush because he’s definitely flirting. “This is where you’re supposed to say you’re already irresistible, Christian.”
“And inflate your ego more than it needs to be?” I shake my head. “I think I’m good.”
“Damn.” He stirs his yogurt. “You’re pretty tough.”
“I’m not just going to hand out freebies, Christian. You have to earn it.”
“Any suggestions on how I earn compliments?”
“Don’t try,” I say with a wink, causing him to chuckle.
“Noted.” He takes a mouthful of his yogurt, then asks, “How has your day been?”
“Okay,” I say. “I felt like my brain wasn’t working very well the first two classes. I kept stumbling over my words and couldn’t explain the math properly. I had to pause a few times and take a deep breath because I was getting frustrated with myself.”
“I’ve had those days. They suck. You kind of just have to move past them and tell yourself you’ll be better next class.”
