Page 160 of The Path to Loving Him
“Yuck.”
I laugh. “And then we decided that the relationship was getting complicated. We thought it would be best to become friends without benefits, and that was honestly to protect my heart. If I kept fooling around with him, I knew I’d get lost in how I felt. Well, despite trying, I still got lost. He’s not in the same space, and that’s where we stand now.”
“Well . . . he’s stupid.”
“Come on, Bennett, he has a lot going on.”
“Nothing is more important than you.”
“His niece?” I raise a brow.
“Maybe her, but other than that, nothing else. And if he fucking liked you, Gabby, he’d find a way to make it work.”
“It’s easy to say, but he’s damaged. There’s so much you don’t know about him because you just know him as Coach Rowley, but when you peel that back, he’s a man with many layers that have shaped and molded him into the person he is today. There are things I even learned about him today that explain so much. Like I said, complicated.”
“I get it. I’m sure anyone who comes into our lives will find the same sort of battle. We have some pretty heavy baggage.”
“A trunk load, some might say,” I joke.
“Yeah, just a bit.” He sips from his drink. “Not that you need it, but if you do figure out how to make it work, you have my blessing. I like the thought of you two together.”
“You do, do you?”
“Yup. I think you’d balance each other well and, in all honesty, I know the type of guy he is. He looks out for his own, meaning I know he’d take care of you. He’d make sure no one ever hurts you, and as your brother who can’t be there to protect you, I like the thought of someone filling that space.”
“You know I can take care of myself, right?”
“You have told me that for what feels like my entire life, but guess what, Gabby, you don’t have to. You can lean on someone to pull some of the weight, and I think that person very much could be Coach Rowley.”I have a feeling he’s right too. Especially after today.I’ve never felt so connected to someone before.
I smile sadly at him. “It would be nice, but it won’t happen, so please don’t hold your breath.”
I tightly grip the ball from Bennett in my hands, replaying the videos and pictures Ryland sent me while I was at dinner with Bennett so we could look through them together. Bennett loved the pictures of me eating the stupid hot dog, the one-eyed one especially. He laughed so hard that he nearly cried. Lucky for me, I was able to steal a picture from the server with Bennett, both of us holding the ball together, because that was the only picture missing.
We talked about his hits, his one strikeout, and how he got caught up in the off-speed pitch. It nearly buckled him, it was thrown so well. He marveled at the strength behind histeammates’ bats and how he’s determined to put on the same amount of muscle. He then went into how he plans on working on the pitch that buckled him so that doesn’t happen again.
It was the best night—something I’m so incredibly grateful for—especially after such an amazing day. And now that my Uber is approaching Hayes’s apartment, I have a new set of nerves prickling in the pit of my stomach. Because . . . he was so wonderful today. Ryland not only anticipated myeveryneed, but he. ..delighted in making me happy. As if I were part of his world, nothing would have stopped him from looking after me.
His encouragement, his thoughtfulness, his integrity. ..it’s like he’s made for me.All the things I like to give others.A support system I never believed I could or would have.
He was a rock.
He helped me through every step of this process that normally I would’ve had to do alone. I had him as a guide, as a photographer, as a mental release. And all these feelings throughout the day that have been building up are now coming to a crashing halt because I want to thank him. I want to show him how much I appreciate him, and I know that how I want to portray that gratitude is not something we do anymore.
Therefore, I’m a bottled-up block of tension.
The Uber pulls up to the address, and I know it’s the place because Ryland sent me pictures of the entrance and told me exactly what to do.
I thank the driver, who tells me to have a good night, then head into the apartment building and right to the elevator. It takes a few seconds, but as I travel up to the floor, I tell myself over and over again that I’m going to stay calm. I’m going to be cool, and I’m going to keep my distance but be grateful.
And we’re not going to think about that kiss we shared after Bennett’s first hit.
Not even a little.
When I reach the floor, I follow Ryland’s directions and then knock on the door. He opens it almost immediately, surprising me as he stands there in a pair of athletic shorts, and that’s it.
Dear God.
I don’t have the strength for this.
