Page 61 of How My Neighbour Stole Christmas
And I know for a fact that we’re winning this.
Storee might have pulled at the crowd’s heartstrings, but as Max put it, we pulled at the judge’s weakness. Sherry Conrad, a closet perv, can’t resist a shirtless man, and we took advantage.
If they’re going to use Cadaver Cindy, then we will use our bodies.
All’s fair in love and jingle jangling, right?
And let me tell you…my jangle was jingling. It was jingling all over that stage.
We walk off the stage together, Bob Krampus giving us both a raised brow as we pass, but we just smile at him and head into the tent, where Storee’s standing, hands on her hips. She looks pissed. An angry Storee I can enjoy.
I walk right up to her, lean forward, and whisper in her ear, “You’re playing with fire, so you’re going to get burned.”
She stiffens next to me. “That wasn’t even remotely close to a scene from a movie. At no time does the Grinch pelvic thrust at the crowd.”
“Hmm, I guess we’re watching two different versions then.” I pat her shoulder and head toward the back, where Max is holding a bottle of water for me.
“Dude,” he whispers. “You thrusted.”
I nod. “I thrusted.”
“That one thrust, man, it was like a cosmic boom that shook the whole town. I saw trees faint.”
Usually, I’d tell Max he was stupid for saying such an idiotic thing, but I’m high on adrenaline and the glory of a job well done. So I say, “I saw it too, man. I saw those trees faint too. It was magical.”
Max grips my shoulder.
“It sure was.”
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Storee
Cole hated Christmas; he hated the whole season.
And like I said before, the town debated the reason.
But last night his mood changed, and now in the season he trusts,
all thanks to green body paint and one flamboyant pelvic thrust.
The town is split. Some think it was Cole’s lederhosen that took it all.
But Martha says it was because Max’s shorts were two sizes too small.
“I still can’t believe hewon last night,” I say as I grumpily sit on the couch in the living room, unable to get over the fact that Sherry Conrad chose Cole’s joke of a show over mine.
Whereas mine was heartfelt and featured a beautiful moment with my aunt on the stage, Cole and Atlas made a mockery of the entire competition.
Shirtless.
Green.
Lederhosen!
Who does that?
It was absurd, it was stupid, and it was…I mean…sure, the green chest hair was interesting to look at, and his pecs were bigger than I expected them to be, and the abs, well, we won’t go there, but the pelvic thrust…
