Page 44 of How My Neighbour Stole Christmas
“Thank you. And look at you two, my goodness; these outfits are everything. I’m obsessed.”
Martha’s smile grows wider. “Some of the youth might say we’re vibing.”
I smile. “Yes, you’re right. You two are totally vibing—”
“Merry Christmas!” a deep voice bellows off to the right.
Goddamnit.
I know that obnoxiously fake voice.
I glance to the side just in time to see Cole step off his porch with a thermos as well. And instead of looking like a jingle bell factory exploded on him, he’s wearing a very fetching red flannel shirt with a green Henley underneath. His sash is draped over his expansive chest, his jeans are rolled to just above his boots, and his hair is tucked under a Santa hat, giving him this whole lumberjack Santa look that’s working very well on him.
And I’m not the only one to notice.
“Oh Cole, don’t you look handsome,” Martha says, beaming.
Christ.
Sure, he’s a good-looking man.
He has a bone structure that was made with precise angles, so the light bounces off it in a magical way.
And yeah, he has light blue eyes that are framed by very dark and long—the prick—eyelashes.
And when he was being made, whoever was in charge decided to grace him with height, and thick dark hair, and…glutes.
High, tight glutes.
Frankly, it’s kind of rude and offensive if you ask me.
No one should be that good-looking. There must be a fatal flaw somewhere in his appearance. Perhaps a mole on the tip of his penis. One of those raised ones that throws off the symmetry of his rod, making it difficult to pump with a steady, precise thrust.
One could only hope.
“I look handsome?” he asks with a large grin while pointing to himself. “Martha and Mae, you two never cease to amaze me. Another year in the ski outfits—you two truly are timeless.”
Oh.
My.
God.
Gag me.
But of course, Martha and Mae fall for his phony-baloney behavior as they coo at him, thanking him for the compliments.
Then his gaze turns on Taran, Aunt Cindy, and me.
“Ladies, I can’t tell you how great it is to see you together again after all these years.”
Yup, that was a jab at me and a subtle reminder to Martha and Mae that we have been gone for a while. I’m not dumb—I see what he’s doing.
“I’m so happy my girls are with me,” Aunt Cindy says. “They’re such a joy to have in the house, and the way they’ve been taking care of me,leaning into the spirit of Christmas that comes from being around family; it’s just wonderful.”
“I could not agree more,” Martha says.
I glance at Cole, who’s staring at the sidewalk, a hint of insecurity in the droop of his shoulders. If I wasn’t watching at that moment, I never would have seen it, because when he looks back up, he smiles.
