Page 216 of How My Neighbour Stole Christmas
And then what happened in Kringle, they would say,
was that Cole’s black heart grew three sizes that day.
And the moment Cole’s heart didn’t pulse quite so tight,
he grabbed Storee by the waist and kissed her under the green light.
I look her in the eyes, those smiling, relieved, beautiful eyes, and I say, “I love you too, Storee. And you being here, it’s felt like coming home. You’ve reminded me about the good memories I buried so deep in my heart, and you’ve carried me through the dark.” I pinch her chin and lean in for another kiss. “Thank you.”
She smiles and wraps her arms around my neck. “Merry Christmas, Cole.”
“Merry Christmas, Storee.”
And they decided that night they didn’t care in the least
about the competition, but rather enjoyed a chicken parm feast.
EPILOGUE
Cole
Narrator: Did you notice howI came full circle with the chicken parm? Clever, right?
“Are you really trying to get me to boost your ego?”
Narrator: You’ve been a complaining ass the whole time. It wouldn’t hurt you to throw me a little love.
“I am what you made me.”
Narrator: Uh-huh, okay, want to play it that way? I can go back and make it so Storee has a hard time finding your erection.
“Are you really going to act like a child? You just finished the book.”
Narrator: I did, and it wouldn’t kill you to congratulate me.
“Congratulations. Thank you for letting me end up with Storee.”
Narrator: That’s more like it.
“Now, how about a little recap for the readers so they know how well Storee and I are doing?”
Narrator: I can arrange that. How about we start it with a year later?
“Sure, but what about who won the competition and what the present was that Storee got me?”
Narrator: You act as if I’ve never done this before. *Cracks knuckles* Watch and learn.
“Careful, you have to unwrap Baby Jesus Fonz carefully,” Storee says from where she’s sitting on the couch, nursing our baby girl Florence, or Flo for short.
“Hold on…baby girl?”
Narrator: Do you really think you could get away with not getting that girl pregnant from the way you humped her through the story? Just be glad she didn’t give birth to a pineapple-flavored candy cane. Now, back to my epilogue.
“I’m being careful,” I say as the bubble wrap nearly flies out of my hand along with Baby Jesus Fonz.
Holy fuck, that was a close one.
“So did you see who entered this year’s Kringle competition?” Storee asks as Aunt Cindy comes into the living room carrying a tray of eggnog and Grinch cookies—my mom’s recipe. Last year for Christmas, Storee surprised me with a tin full of them. She found the recipe in my kitchen and made them for me. They taste exactly how my mom made them, and it was easily the best present I’ve ever received…well, that and being able to call Storee mine.
