Page 36 of How My Neighbour Stole Christmas
“Yeah, just like your chances at becoming Christmas Kringle.”
“Oh, and you think you’ll be able to shed the grumpiness and become a holly jolly asshole?”
“Pardon me?” I blink a few times. “If anyone is an asshole, it’s you for not coming around the last ten years.”
The gasp that falls past her lips could wake the entire neighborhood. None too pleased, she takes a step forward so we’re toe to toe, her eyes burning with anger, her fists clenched at her sides. “You know what? You just made this personal…Connor.”
Oh…that…troll.
Nostrils flaring, I stare down at her, meeting her gaze. “You know damn well it’s Cole.”
“Oops,” she says, not even sorry, “my mistake.”
And then we stand there staring at each other, animosity sizzling between us, building into a dark cloud that I’m sure will stay until she decides to part ways with the town she hates so much.
She pulls her sash out of her pocket and drapes it over her head. When it’s fitting her properly, she says, “You, Cole, are about to see an exhibition on what true Christmas spirit is all about.”
Meeting her intensity, because I’m never one to back down from a challenge, I slip my sash over my head as well. “You havenoidea the kind of Christmas spirit I possess. I cough up tinsel on the daily.”
Her nose crinkles. “Yeah, well, I drink eggnog like it’s water.”
“I bench Santa’s sleigh…with Bob Krampus ho-ho-hoing in the driver’s seat.”
Her body grows more tense. “I dream of sugar plum fairies every night.”
“I can pull candy canes out of my ears,” I say, realizing this makes zero sense but finding it more important to drive home the point.
“My sweat smells like freshly iced cookies.”
“My hair is as coarse as the straw the reindeers eat.”
“My…my…” She glances around, clearly trying to think of anything that could compete. ”My nipples shine just as bright as the lights on every single house in this town.”
Silence falls between us because…straw hair and twinkling nipples, is that really what this has come down to?
Yes.
Yes, it has.
“Party tricks aren’t going to win you the Christmas Kringle.” I motion to her chest with my finger. “So you might want to cover those neon nips.”
“Yeah, well, feeding the reindeer your hair isn’t going to win it either,” she replies.
“We’ll just have to see then, won’t we?”
“I guess we shall.” She takes a step back. “I would say good luck, but I hope you fall flat on your face.”
“And push someone into the river?” I ask, causing her entire expression to morph into shock.
She points a shaking finger at me. “It is on, Connor. It is so on. Watch your back, because I’m coming for the title.”
“It’s Cole,” I virtually bark. “And if anyone needs to watch their back, it’s you.”
“Oooh, awesome comeback.” She rolls her eyes. “See you around…Connor.”
And then she takes off toward Cindy’s house.
“I never should have walked you home,” I call out.
