Page 68 of Bridesmaid Undercover
“It started with a protein shake.”
“Oh, we going back that far? Okay.” He settles into his chair. “Tell me about this protein shake. What flavors are we talking about here?”
“Banana and peanut butter, my absolute favorite flavor.”
“Killer combination, and what a way to start your day.”
“Thank you. I thought so as well. I then went into a day full of annoying admin work that no one likes but has to get done.”
“Emails.” He rolls his eyes. “Am I right?”
“You are so right.” I chuckle. “But then I had this meeting that altered my entire day.”
“Oh? Okay, lay it on me.”
“Well, it started with the best man asking me to hook him up with the maid of honor.”
“Hook him up?” Hardy asks. “Why can’t he just ask her out himself?”
“Get this,” I say loving every second of this. “They used to date back in college. Sounded like they were friends with benefits.”
“Uh, is that what she said?” he asks, slightly wincing.
“No, but it’s what I gathered from speaking with both of them. Apparently, they had some wild nights. Beer pong tournaments, Ed Sheeran playing in the background— the best man often cried when ‘Perfect’ came on. He also liked to sway in the corner by himself with just his beer bottle when the songplayed. I think the maid of honor, the ex, was jealous when he did that.”
He quirks his lips to the side. “Are you sure he cried?”
“Positive. She showed me several pictures of him weeping. When I met up with him today, all I could think about was his ugly cry face and of course his sloppy kisses.”
“Sloppy kisses, huh?” he asks, looking skeptical and hopefully picking up on the fact that I’m making up this entire thing.
“Yeah. She said sometimes it was like a tidal wave of slobber when they made out. And one of the reasons she dealt with a salivating man was because she had dry lips and found him to be a great way to moisturize them.”
“That’s…disturbing.”
I let out a loud laugh and then shrug. “To each their own, right? Can’t judge someone for wanting soft lips and finding a great way to keep them that way.”
“I guess so.”
“Anyway, I had to meet with both of them today, and if I could describe it in one word, I would sayawkward.”
“Awkward?” he asks with raised brows.
“Oh yeah. You should have seen the best man. An absolute disaster. He went to say hi to her and instead of offering a wave or a quickhellolike a normal person, he face-planted into her breasts. Right then and there as a greeting.”
“Are you sure he didn’t trip? Or maybe someone bumped into him.”
I take a sip of my drink and shake my head. “Nope. You could see it in his eyes the minute she walked up to him. He had his sights set on her breasts, and he wasn’t going to have it any other way. Of course, he was like ‘oh I tripped,’ but we all knew what he was doing, greeting her nose to boob. Classless if you ask me.”
He leans back in his chair, studying me, the corners of his lips tugging up. “But why would he greet her nose to boob? That doesn’t make sense.”
“Oh, it does to me. I found out he’s part of this friend group that has a hard time understanding the intricacies of the female genitalia. Pretty sure he thought by going in nose to boob, he was getting her revved up for a lip-moistening make-out session.”
He taps his fingers on the table. “This group, it doesn’t happen to be headed up by someone by the name of Tomothy, does it?”
I wave my hand in dismissal. “Can’t be sure. I tend to stay away from men with female complexes. Not worth my time. So yeah, after the motorboating attempt, we awkwardly shifted around the space. I tried to keep us on track and focused on the event, but he kept announcing how awkward he was feeling. Even at one point, he said his body was buzzing and then motioned to his…crotch.”
Hardy’s expression flattens, and I burst out in laughter.
