Page 55 of Bridesmaid Undercover
“Huh, you know, it looks like it, but you took that hit like a grandma against a three-hundred-pound linesman. Maybe we should have your balance checked.”
“My balance is fine,” I say through clenched teeth.
“I don’t know,” Everly says, which causes my eyes to shoot to hers. “You did topple over pretty easily.”
“Oh.” Brody snaps his fingers. “Maybe he wanted to. You know, because of their history. Maybe he wanted to put his face on her breasts as a greeting.” He says this as if Maple’s not standing right in front of us!
“I did not want to do that,” I say to clear the air. “I was trying to give you a kiss.”
“What?” Maple asks, looking horrified.
“On the cheek!” I say quickly. “A kiss on the cheek. Not a kiss on the lips. Just on the cheek like I did with Everly when she came in. Like this,” I say as I lean in toward Everly who isn’t paying attention, so when I lean in to kiss her cheek, she moves her head, and my lips land on her nose instead.
“Oh God,” she says, backing away and wiping her nose.
“Dude, what are you doing?” Brody asks, a wince on his face. I can’t tell if he’s disgusted with me or if he’s still in pain.
“Fuck,” I grumble as I stand tall again. “I meant to kiss your cheek.”
Brody leans in. “You missed by a lot, man.”
“I know I fucking did. I was just trying to show what I was trying to do,” I say as my skin starts to prickle with embarrassment.
“Well, do you want to try on me? I’m the only one here you haven’t assaulted yet,” Brody says. “But I can’t make any promises that I won’t pucker up.”
My nostrils flare as my eyes burn into his.
He nervously laughs. “Or we can just assume what a kiss on the cheek from you is like and try to move past this situation of you falling face first into your ex-girlfriend’s bosom, followed by a nose peck to your event planner.”
I catch Everly swiping at her nose again before she clears her throat. “How about we just move on and spare everyone the secondhand embarrassment.”
“That would be great,” Maple says, avoiding eye contact with me again.
“I mean, I’d appreciate the change in topic—I’m starting to sweat out of sheer horror for someone else,” Brody says.
“I wasn’t trying to kiss anyone,” I say, just to clear the air one more time.
“You kind of were, dude,” Brody whispers.
“Not like that,” I growl. “It was purely friendly.”
Everly clears her throat and looks me in the eyes. “We’re moving on, so let’s start by walking the property.” Everly moves to the front and starts spouting off ideas on how to use the space while I follow behind with Brody.
Fuck, not a great start to this meeting. Nope, I’m coming off as the bumbling idiot who apparently has the balance of a ninety-year-old granny.
Breaking through my thoughts, Brody leans in close and whispers, “Everly told us both to be cool, and I don’t think you’re holding up your end of the bargain, man.”
I glare at him. “Don’t make me murder you before I leave.”
“Hey, just trying to help,” he replies in defense and then grips his side.
“It’s not needed,” I say between clenched teeth.
“What do you think, Hardy?” Everly asks.
I pause, feeling like a student that’s been called on who wasn’t paying attention.
“Uhhh…”
