Page 220 of Bridesmaid Undercover
That’s when I pull out, but not before placing another kiss on her back.
I stand up and remove the condom, tying it off. I quickly slip on my briefs and then walk through the empty store and straight to the bathroom where I wrap the condom in some toilet paper and toss it in the garbage to go undetected. I take a second to wash my hands and then I walk back to the dressing room where I find Everly already dressed and adjusting her hair.
Well…fuck.
When her eyes meet mine in the mirror, I can feel the distance in that one gaze, as if she just shut the door on her soul, leaving not even the barest glimmer of what lies inside.
I walk up to her, but she moves past me and strides over to the couch, sitting down to put on her shoes.
Yup, she’s shutting down.
Quickly, I get dressed in silence, trying to think of a way to close this gap, to make things right. The desire is there. The attraction is there…I fucking know for certain the connection is there. I’ve never connected with a woman like I’ve connected with Everly.
Now I just need to figure out how to break through the mistake I made and prove to her that I won’t do it again. I was hoping the sex we just had would have warmed her up, but from the tension in her shoulders and her pursed lips, I could be incredibly wrong about that.
I bring my shoes over to the couch as well, and when I take a seat, she starts to stand, but I take her by the hand and tug her back down.
“Everly, can we talk?”
“There’s nothing to say,” she says.
“Uh, I think there’s a whole lot to say.”
“No, Hardy. There’s nothing to say. Once again, that shouldn’t have happened, we should have?—”
“Shouldn’t have happened?” I tuck my finger under her chin and bring her eyes to meet mine. “Everly, there’s a reason why that keeps happening, and I think that’s something we should talk about.”
“No.” She shakes her head. “There’s nothing to talk about, because…because there’s nowhere to go from here. We just need to get through this weekend, through this work event. Then we can go our separate ways, and I would appreciate it if?—”
“Go our separate ways?” I feel my stomach sink, and I realize immediately that this approach is not working either.
Sure, she probably feels desired.
Possibly satisfied for a moment.
But it’s not breaking down the wall she’s erected between us—the wall I forced her to build.
Which means, this is going to be my last-ditch effort.
I have to put it all out there and hope for the best.
“Yes, Hardy. Go our separate ways,” she repeats.
“I don’t want to do that,” I say, my nerves clawing at me as I stare into her beautiful eyes. “I don’t want to lose you. My life…” I gulp. “My life has felt empty since that morning. I miss our emails, our texts, our conversations. I miss seeing you and listening to you tell me about your day. I miss our jokes and our dinner dates and the way you smile whenever you see me.” I take her hand in mine, and she stares down at the connection. “I miss you, Everly. You’re…you’re all I think about. Constantly. Night and day, you’re on my mind. And I was a fucking fool that morning. I should have…fuck, I should have handled things differently. I should have?—”
“It doesn’t matter,” she says, freeing her hand from my grasp. And when her eyes meet mine, I can distinctively see the dissociation in them, like the words I’m saying aren’t even coming close to clicking in her head.
“Everly,” I say, my voice nearly shaking as panic grips me. “It does matter.” She attempts to look away, but I turn her head, practically begging her to look at me. “This,us, it matters, and I will do anything…and I mean anything to fix things between us.”
“Why?” she asks. “You told me there can’t be anything between us. So what’s the point? I can’t…” Her voice catches in her throat, and it brings me to my goddamn knees. “I can’t sit here and act like we’re just friends. I can’t hang out with you and pretend like I don’t have feelings for you…or…had feelings for you.” The use of past tense guts me. “It’s too hard. And I’m sorry that you miss me, and you miss our friendship, but I’m not in a position where I can just ignore this…this physical connection we have. And honestly, I have no idea why you think it’s okay to just…to fuck me and then ask to be my friend.”
“I’m not asking you to be my friend, Everly,” I say, desperation heavy in my voice. “I’m asking for so much more.”
“But why? You yourself said you can’t be romantically involved with me because of your sister, and yet you’re putting me in situations where you’re feeding into this desire—and for what?” Her voice is rising, becoming shakier as she stands. “So you can just fuck with my head, Hardy?”
“What? No,” I say, realizing that she doesn’t know I had a conversation with Haisley. I’d been waiting for the perfect time to tell her that we have Haisley’s blessing, but now I’ve just tangled things up even more.
Jesus Christ, I’ve fucked this up so badly.
