Page 43 of So This Is War
Pacey:Why the hell did you step on a mouse?
Silas:Ew, were you wearing a shoe?
Eli:I don’t understand why you feel like you need to share this with us.
Halsey:That’s . . . gross.
OC:Guess I’ll be the only one who asks . . . are you okay, Posey?
Levi:No. Mentally distraught. Thank you, OC, for being my only friend. Also, yes, I was wearing shoes, and it was an accident.
Silas:Seriously, OC, chill, man.
Levi:Does anyone care about the mouse? Or me?
Pacey:*deadpans* Yes, we care so much. We hope everything is okay with your life.
Eli:Sending you well wishes and sorrows.
Silas:Prayers for the mouse.
OC:May he rest in peace . . .
Halsey:Moment of silence.
Levi:Thanks, guys, that means a lot. Now that we’ve celebrated a mousy life of living among the dust and baseboards, let’s move on to more important things. Coach blesses his underwear before every game. The sign of the cross right over the crotch. I’ll never be able to look at him the same.
Eli:That’s what you should have started out with. Holy shit.
Silas:Did you hear this from your new assistant?
Levi:Directly from her, without even asking. It was handed to me on a silver platter.
Eli:You know, this new assistant thing might be a great idea. Can you find out if he squeals when he’s excited as well?
Pacey:What kind of question is that? You know he barely smiles.
Eli:But maybe when he’s alone, he squeals.
Halsey:Do you want him to squeal?
Silas:Better question . . . do you want to make him squeal?
Eli:Yes *deadpans* I want to make our coach squeal.
Pacey:As the brother of your future wife, I’m going to say I’m not happy about this.
Silas:You know, I never thought of you as someone who likes to make a man squeal in delight, but now that I think about it . . .
OC:What the hell am I reading?
Levi:Eli wants to bless Coach Wood’s underwear for him.
Eli:Oh fuck off, all of you.
OC:Maybe he wants to eat an apple while he blesses the underwear. (See what I did there?)
Pacey:Bringing it full circle. I approve.
