Page 30 of So This Is War
Silas:Wait, you didn’t say she would be your assistant, just that she was looking for work.
Eli:Oh yeah, full-blown assistant. And let me tell you, she’s a piece of work.
Pacey:Why don’t I know anything?
Silas:Because you’re always with Winnie. You barely hang out with us now.
Eli:Says the guy who’s always with Ollie.
Halsey:As if you have any room to speak.
Levi:None of you have room to speak, you neglectful assholes. You’re all in happy, loving relationships because of me.
OC:Uh, I’m not happy.
Levi:Don’t worry, I’ll get to you.
Pacey:Back to Coach Wood. Why does he want you to hire his daughter?
Here’s the thing, I could tell my boys exactly what’s going on in my life, let them know that there’s been a girl I’ve been searching high and low for, that I’ve been desperate to find her because of one fucking kiss, and she just so happens to be our coach’s daughter. And now I have to act like an ass to her because her father wants to prove a point, and somehow I’ve been placed in the middle or . . .
I can tell them that it’s nothing and reveal nothing.
Telling them will lead to constant chatter, relentless text messages, because they’d absolutely LOVE to see me in distress over a woman, and I do not want to subject myself to the impending ridicule.
Therefore, I’m cutting them off.
Yup.
They don’t need to know all the details. It’s for the best. For my sanity.
Levi:She needed some experience, and Coach Wood knows I don’t have an assistant, so he asked if I’d hire her. I said it wasn’t a problem at all, so yeah, I have an assistant now. Please direct all your menial demands to her. Thanks.
Silas:Why is Hornsby saying she’s a piece of work?
Eli:Because she is. I’ve met her through Penny, and she’s just . . . on a different planet.
I didn’t gather that from my impression, but then again, Eli has a child, and maybe said child has sucked all the common sense from him. I’ve heard of that happening.
Maybe that’s why babies look like aliens when they’re fresh from the womb . . . mind suckers.
Pacey:Meaning . . . she’s going to give him a hard time? Because that would be amazing.
Levi:Why would that be amazing? Have I not been an absolute blessing to all of you?
OC:I have yet to witness the blessing personally so . . .
Levi:I said I would get to you. Patience, you fuck.
Halsey:I wouldn’t consider what you did to me a blessing. I could have figured out a way to be with Blakely without all the fanfare.
Eli:And Penny and I would have gotten together either way because Pacey made us live together.
Pacey:And I beg to see how you did anything to get me together with Winnie.
Silas:Not to mention, your texting nearly scared Ollie away.
Levi:Wow, I’ve never seen such a sad bunch of ungrateful motherfuckers in my life. If I have to recap . . . *clears throat* Pacey, you’re with Winnie because I didn’t make the first move. You’re welcome. Hornsby, if it weren’t for me, you’d still be texting Penny that you’re eating an apple. You’re welcome. Taters, don’t even get me fucking started. The reason you got tit pics from Ollie was because of me, and you know it. You’re welcome. Holmes, I stepped it up for you, lied, decorated your apartment, and practically placed Blakely on your ginormous dick. You are fucking welcome. Now, if you don’t mind, I have to train my new assistant. Go back to your happy lives.
