Page 66 of Bridesmaid for Hire
As I tip over like a freshly cut tree, I reach for the raging bull that is Brody McFadden, grabbing on to the closest thing I can find as I descend to my imminent death in the sand.
Unfortunately for everyone, the closest thing…are his loose-fitting board shorts.
With one tug, I’m met face to ass with his bright, white rear end as my nose slams into one of his firm, taut cheeks.
“Ahhhhhh!” I scream, my voice vibrating against his pasty skin. “Your ass is on my face!”
“Jesus fuck,” he yells as he swats at me, his finger tickling my nose.
My nostrils flare.
My nasal mucosa is disturbed.
And as my head rears back, I prepare for the worst as I let out an uproarious sneeze…right into his crack.
Got to say, not my best moment as I feel my nose glide right along his ass cleavage.
“What in the actual fuck,” he says as he tumbles forward, his hand going straight to his butt.
Don’t blame him. There’s snot in there now.
And as he scrambles against the sand, dick down, butt up to the bright sun, I stare up at the heavens, pleading with the gods to please release me from this moment.
He growls next to me, pulling his shorts up while the rest of the couples charge forward, leaving us in the kicked-up sand with a few spectators giggling and pointing at our demise.
After a few seconds, I say, “I told you to watch your stride.”
He shoots a glare at me that is so dangerous I can actually feel my eyelashes curl in horror. “I did, you just weren’t moving.”
“Uh, yes, I was. I was a gallant partner, strutting through the sands with you.”
“You were a nearly dead, flopping fish that I had to drag.”
“Care to keep your pants on next time, McFadden?” Reginald calls out, a smarmy smirk on his face. “This is a family event.” With that, he turns back to the teams still left in the race while Brody stares me down with what I can only describe as human death rays.
“Was pantsing me really necessary?” he asks.
I swipe at my face again and look him in the eyes. “Trust me when I say, I wish that never…ever…happened. Having my face on your ass is literally in the top five worst moments of my life.”
“Says the girl who treats my dick as her own personal safety blanket,” he mumbles.
Gah!
Low blow, Brody. Low blow.
“Just sit on my lap. That’s all you have to do,” Brody says as he takes a seat on the sand, hands behind his back.
“I understand how to pop a balloon, Brody.”
“Do you?” he asks. “Because you also told me you understood how to feed me whipped cream and I wound up with more in my nose than my mouth. And on top of that, you claimed you knew how to walk when in reality, you were only able to sneeze in my ass crack.”
Ooh is he spicy right now.
For his information, the sneezing in his crack was more unpleasant for me than him.
I move in close to his face, acting like I’m very much in love as I pressmy hand delicately to his cheek. “You,darling, were the one directing my hand with the whipped cream, so anything that went up your nose is due to your poor captain skills. As for the sneeze in your crack, you can only blame yourself. I told you that you couldn’t go fast, and you didn’t listen. Maybe next time, you will.” I lean forward and plant a kiss to his nose. “You’re the one who is losing this game for us, snookums.”
“Don’t even try to blame this on me, princess.”
