Page 55 of Bridesmaid for Hire
The embarrassment of pawing at a man who clearly doesn’t want me.
The loss of bids.
The loss of a dream.
It’s all crashing around me at the same time and I don’t understand why.
I’ve put in the time.
I’ve put in the work.
I’ve done everything I’m supposed to do, and yet…I’ve never felt more like a failure. I’ve never felt more alone.
I tug my legs into my chest and stare out at the ocean as tears cascade down my cheeks.
Ugh, don’t cry, Maggie.
We don’t cry.
We’re tough.
So why don’t I feel so tough right now?
Why do I feel so raw? So exposed?
My phone buzzes in my hand and I see that it’s a text from Hattie. Thank God, I feel like I need her now more than ever.
Hattie:Where is this coming from? You’re not a workaholic. You’re a young businesswoman molding her career into something special. That doesn’t make you a workaholic and even if you were, there’s nothing wrong with that. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to put effort into work.
I swipe at my tears and text her back.
Maggie:There is something wrong with it when you’re a pathetic single person with no life.
Hattie:What did he say to you?
Maggie:This has nothing to do with Brody.
Hattie:This has everything to do with Brody because you weren’t feeling this way before you ran into him, so what did he say to you?
I let out a shaky breath and swipe at my eyes again.
Maggie:Everything is falling apart, Hattie. Yesterday, I said something out loud that never really hit me until I said it. We were talking about me being single and I said I’m not single because I’m bad at flirting, but because I’m a workaholic who bases her self-worth around her career. And it just made me think…is that sad? Like, I’ve spent so much time crafting this job and for what? For two brides to turn me down in one day and for my dreams at opening a storefront to be put on hold? I’m accomplishing nothing and I’m still single and still pathetically burying my head in the crotch of a man who doesn’t want me. He said that, you know, he said he didn’t want me.
Hattie:That’s a lot to unpack.
Hattie:First things first, everyone in this world is different. Our goals, our values, they’re all different and there is no right or wrong to them. Just because you want to build a business and be the best wedding planner in California does not mean your goals are any less important than let’s say, someone who wants to clean out the Great Pacific Garbage Patch.
Hattie:Second, you are not sad. You are a young entrepreneur who is helping to bring more love into this world. That’s something that should be celebrated, not looked down upon.
Hattie:Third, you’re going to face rejection, that’s bound to happen, but how you rise up from that rejection will define who you really are. So, you have two choices here. You can wallow in the rejection and let it shut down your creativity and love for what you do, or you can rise above it, figure out how to problem solve, and attack the next opportunity.
Hattie:Fourth, dreams don’t come true overnight. You and I both know that. The dream of the storefront isn’t dead—it’s just the milestone you have to keep working toward. It will happen. If I know anything about my best friend, it’s that you’re determined. This will not get you down. This will only light that extra fire you need to cross the finish line.
Hattie:And as for Brody, if he’s being a dick to you, then fuck him. This is a business transaction. If you happen to wake up with his penis tickling your ear, then so be it. Own it. Yup, Brody, she slept on your penis, what are you going to do about it? Nothing, because he probably likes it, and he’s the one in YOUR bed. He probably gets such joy out of having your face there. The motherfucker is lucky you’re even near him. And if he told you that he doesn’t want you…well guess what, Brody? We didn’t want you either. So suck on that.
I snort, a bubble of snot popping out of my nose as I wipe at my eyes again.
Maggie:I love you so much.
