Page 141 of Bridesmaid for Hire
Maggie:Dead serious.
Hattie:Okay, slightly hyperventilating for you. You met a man in a Speedo, you actually did it. Who was it?
Maggie:Brody.
I so wish I could see her reaction when she reads that text.
Hattie:WHAT?!?!
Maggie:LOL. Yup, long story, but he was in a Speedo yesterday. He told me he’s liked me for a long time and that he doesn’t want to hide it anymore. When we got back to the bungalow, he showed me just how much he liked me, multiple times and multiple times this morning. I’m pretty sure I screamed so loud that I woke up everyone in the neighboring bungalows, and I’m not even sorry about it. And I’m currently in a cabana on the beach, and he’s sleeping,draped over me while I casually stroke my fingers up and down his back.
Hattie:I’m…I’m shocked. I mean, this is what you want?
Maggie:I think more than I ever knew. I like him a lot, Hattie. And he actually told my brother this morning. Called him up and everything.
Hattie:Holy shit, so it’s like…official.
Maggie:Seems to be.
Hattie:Okay, so then tell me…length, girth…rotation? Isn’t that what you asked me when I first started dating Hayes?
Maggie:LOL. Uh, length…probably the length of a football field. Girth was slightly larger than a downspout. Rotation was like being on a tilt-a-whirl of pure joy.
Hattie:And he wrapped that all up in a tiny Speedo? Wow, impressive.
Maggie:When I took the Speedo off, his penis unfolded like one of those car dealership wind socks, flailing about and ready to play.
Hattie:Why are you the way that you are?
Maggie:I think it was my upbringing.
Hattie:I’ve met your parents. They don’t talk about unfolding dicks.
Maggie:That’s because they put on a show when you’re around. In real life, total freaks.
Hattie:Huh, next time I’ll bring that up to them. Hey, Mr. and Mrs. Mitchell, Maggie told me you’re the reason she compares her man’s penis to the circumference of a rain gutter.
Maggie:Probably not the best idea.
Hattie:That’s what I thought. So…when you get home, is all of this going to continue? Are you going to go out on dates? Possibly meet up with me and Hayes so we can go on a double date?
Maggie:I hope so. He said he wants to take me out when we get back, so I’ll mention it to him. I wonder if he likes Hayes’s music. I mean how could you not? He has the voice of an angel.
Hattie:He’s not here, so you don’t have to flatter him.
Maggie:It’s not flattery, it’s facts.
Hattie:He has a big enough head already. I don’t need you pumping it up.
Maggie:Headhead or penis head?
Hattie:And now I’m going to leave.
Maggie:LOL. I love you!
Hattie:I love you too and I’m happy for you. You got your Speedo man and you’re making some business connections. Despite not getting to fully relax, I’m glad this trip is going well for you.
Maggie:I’m relaxing now.
