Page 119 of Bridesmaid for Hire
“Prick,” I mutter.
“Huh?” Hardy asks.
I glance over at him. “What?”
“You said something.”
“I think you did.” I point at him.
Hardy studies me for a second and then shakes his head, unable to repress a smile. “Dude, how many of those pills have you had?”
“Can’t be sure.” I grin at him.
“Yeah, I’m going to stay as far away from you as I can when we pull out the spears.”
I nod at him. “Very smart idea.”
“You know, from your response, I’m going to assume you’ve never been spearfishing before.”
“Dude, I’ve never been on a boat until this trip, so we’re talking a whole new world over here.”
He chuckles. “Right, hence why you’re taking the captain’s special pills.”
“What’s in those, by the way?” I say, feeling like my feet are sinking farther into the sand than they should.
“No one asks. I think they’re some sort of natural relaxant, but I’ve never looked into it. I took them once when we went parasailing one summer. I was freaking out—I don’t love heights—and the captain gave me some. It was like a wild trip up there in the sky.”
I laugh. “Sort of feels like everything is in slow motion, but it’s not.”
“Yeah…you’re in the sweet spot. I wouldn’t take any more unless you want to be wandering around the beach, flinging your trunks in the air while your willy hangs out.”
I pause and look at him. “Personal experience?”
“Not me, someone else.”
“Hudson?” I ask as we continue down the beach.
“Nope.”
“Not Jude,” I say. I couldn’t see that gentle giant doing anything like that. He’s so reserved. So quiet. Although, if the pills were that effective, maybe they unleashed his wild side.
“Not Jude…”
“Then who?” I ask.
Hardy smiles. “I’m only telling you this because you’ve had one hell of a week.” He chuckles again. “Don’t repeat this to anyone, but it was my dad.”
That stops me right in my tracks. “No fucking way. Willy out?”
Hardy laughs and nods. “Yup. Stripped down to nothing and ran these very beaches with his dong bobbing about. My mom chased after him, yelling for him to put his shorts back on. Hudson and I had to finally grab him, wrap him up in a blanket, and force him to sleep in the boat.”
I can’t hold back my laughter as I tilt my head back and let loose.
Oh fuck. That has got to be the greatest thing I’ve ever heard.
Reginald Tightwad.
Daddy Reggie.
