Page 162 of Bridesmaid for Hire
“That was pretty good,” Jude says.
Probably because your testosterone levels are so high, you don’t understand what one hundred-proof alcohol can do to a man like me.
It actually makes me sprout pubic hair.
“Not a fan,” Hardy says.
“Me neither,” I say as a soft pretzel is placed in front of me.
Thank God.
I pick it up and take a large bite from the center.Carbs, I know we’ve had a tumultuous relationship in the past where I thought you were giving me love handles and I cut you out of my diet. But I’m begging you to please do what you’re supposed to do. Please help soak up this alcohol and make it so I don’t puke in front of these men again. Amen.
“McFadden.” The sound of my last name being called across the table is like a knife piercing my ears.
Mouth full of pretzel, I look up at Reginald whose eyebrows are pointed in anger.
I swallow and say, “Yes?”
“That pretzel is to be shared with Hardy.”
I glance over at Hardy who’s chuckling. “Oh shit…sorry, dude.” I stare down at the half-massacred pretzel and try to tear away the untouched bits. “You can have this part.”
“It’s fine, I’ll order another one.” He leans in close. “Seems like you’re going to need it more than I am.”
I think everyone at the table knows I’m going to need this pretzel.
Even the waitstaff.
MAGGIE
“Youwoke upReginald?” Margie asks over Haisley’s phone as she holds her trusty water bottle close. While we’ve been sipping our cocktails, she’s been sipping her water. She’s had several bathroom breaks as well. I would too if I were that pregnant.
“Haisley,” I say, giving her a dirty look.
Haisley chuckles and sips her drink. “Not even sorry I told her that.”
“Wait, that was you guys?” Sloane asks, and I feel my cheeks grow red. “Jude was telling us that Reginald was livid he didn’t get a good night’s rest thanks to the hooligans out on their deck.”
Thank goodness Regina called it a night and left ten minutes ago, or else I don’t think I could handle this conversation.
“We weren’t hooligans,” I say as I bite down on the corner of my lip, remembering that night. “I just tend to be louder than I think.”
“You should have seen how proud Brody was when I mentioned it.”
“Oh, I need to meet this Brody guy. He seems like a good time,” Margie says.
“He is,” Haisley says. “I’m sure he’d say he hasn’t had the best trip. He seems to be in the wrong place at the wrong time, but he’s so endearing. Even back when we were interns he was endearing—just the nicest. And the snake bush thing…” Haisley starts laughing, and so do Sloane and Stacey. “I couldn’t stop giggling about it the rest of the hike. Jude kept elbowing me to stop.”
I press my hand to Haisley’s arm. “Did you know it took everything within me not to laugh at him? I know I should have been the doting girlfriend, but oh my God, his feral cry still echoes in my head.”
Haisley laughs harder and nods. “Oh my God, I thought it was one of the twins that got hurt, it was so ladylike.”
“What happened?” Margie asks.
Haisley turns to her. “We were on the hike I told you about and Brody stepped in a bush. He felt something pierce his skin, and when he looked down, a snake slithered away. He thought it bit him and freaked out, but really, a branch from the bush just scraped him. But it was a big deal. He passed out.”
“Stop, no, he didn’t.”
