Page 177 of The Reason I Married Him
When Aubree shuts the sliding glass door and walks me farther out to a firepit and bench area, she takes a seat, so I join her.
“Everything okay?” I ask.
“Sort of,” she says as she stares out at the ocean. “Just wanted a second to breathe and thought that if I did it alone, it would look like I was mad at you.”
“Are you mad at me?” I ask.
“No.” She shakes her head and rubs her hands over her thighs. “Just overwhelmed. I didn’t think this wedding was going to be a thing, and now it’s a thing, so I’m starting to get anxious. I feel like we’re doing it for everyone else but us, and then I think, why would we do it for us? This isn’t a real marriage filled with love. This is a business transaction, so we should be doing it for everyone else because it’s a show, you know? And we need to perform, but then it made me sad for a second because I’m going to wear Cassidy’s dress, and why would I do something sentimental like that if this wedding isn’t sentimental? But then again, I’m nervous and a little scared and worried, and she was the closest thing to a motherly figure that I’ve had in my life, and I just thought that she should be there, and that felt dumb and?—”
“Hey,” I say, gripping her chin so she has to look at me. “Shhhh, you’re starting to freak out.”
“I know because this is all so much.” Her scared eyes peer up at me.
Wanting to offer her comfort, I say, “If you want to call it off, we can call it off. Like I said, I can walk away, give you the land, and figure something else out. I’m not opposed to that, Aubree. This was a lot, me asking you to do this, and when I came up with it, it was completely selfish. I didn’t think what this might do toyou mentally. All I thought is that you would get the land, and it would be fine, but . . . now I see the toll it’s taking on you.”
“Stop,” she says, shaking her head. “I’m not taking the land from you. I’m going to earn it. You’re going to get your cabin, and all of this will be over in a year.” See, when she says things like that, it brings me right back to reality. This is a business transaction to her, and that’s all it will ever be. And I don’t blame her. That’s how I approached it. That’s how I came into this. That’s how I sold it. Why would she have any feelings other than that?
She shouldn’t.
I continue, “But if you’re uncomfortable?—”
“I’m just nervous.” She turns toward me on the bench, bringing one leg up as she faces me. “Aren’t you nervous?”
I drape my arm over the bench and face her as well. “It hasn’t hit me yet. Maybe when the day comes, I’ll be nervous, but I’m also comfortable with you,” I say as I take a chance and place my hand on her leg. I rub my thumb over her soft skin. “If I wasn’t comfortable with you, I’d probably be terrified.” I swallow and tilt my head down as I ask, “Are you comfortable with me?”
She’s silent for a second, which feels like hours before she answers. “If I wasn’t comfortable with you, I wouldn’t want you to hold me at night,” she replies so softly that I almost don’t hear her.
But her answer brings a smile to my lips. “Would you even say that we’re . . . friends?”
“That’s asking a lot,” she says, the corners of her mouth twitching up. “How could I be friends with someone who walks onto my farm on day one and starts picking apart everything I could be doing better?”
“I wasn’t picking it apart,” I say. “Just . . . being an ass to drive you nuts.”
“Do you think that was a smart idea?”
“No, but my plan worked.”
“And what plan was that?” she asks, her head slightly tilting, looking so goddamn beautiful that it makes me want to pull her in close and claim her as mine.
“A plan that I shall never unveil,” I say. “That’s between me and my plotting book.”
“And this is why you should never get involved in any business dealing or relationship with an author. Because they will plot every second of it until they get their way.”
“Sad you didn’t figure that out sooner,” I tease. “Instead, you fell for the good looks and the charm.”
“Good looks I’ll give you. Charm? Not so much.”
I smirk. “Hey, as long as you can admit to the beauty that is my face, that’s all I care about.”
“Oh my God.” She rolls her eyes and playfully pushes at my chest.
I love this. Seeing her like this. Smiling and joking. Not tense or worried. We all need this Aubree in our life—this lighthearted woman who has spent most of her life worrying and trying to make something of herself.
Maybe I can be the one who helps her show this side to others.
“You feeling better?” I ask her, wanting to take her hand in mine so damn badly.
“Better about marrying you? Not sure I’ll ever feel good about that.” Her smile lets me know she’s teasing.
