Page 106 of The Reason I Married Him
The abuse.
The yelling.
The lack of structure and balance.
I’m the way I am today because of the things I wasn’t granted as a child.
I’m cold and moody because I don’t want to get close to anyone.
I’m meticulous and organized because I can’t function without it.
I’m off-putting and distant because I’m trying to calculate in my head what needs to be done so I don’t fall behind.
So I don’t disappoint.
So my dad’s words that he spoke to me, yelled at me, drilled into me aren’t right.
You’re a nobody.
You’ll amount to nothing.
You’re a waste of my time.
I don’t want him to be right. I refuse to let him be right. So I stay on task. I don’t get distracted. I take what I need and make sure I’m moving forward, not living in the past.
“Aubree—”
“I said forget about it, Wyatt. Okay?” My voice cracks, and I hate that. I hate that he gets a glimpse of that emotion in me because I keep my feelings locked up.Tight. So no one can touch them.
It’s the only way to survive.
“Okay,” he says softly. It’s silent for a second, and then he says, “I can wait on moving in if you want.”
Great, now he’s trying to accommodate me because he caught me in a moment of insecurity. I’m not going to let it happen.
I straighten my shoulders and say, “It’s fine. It’s going to happen eventually, so it might as well be now. Let’s just go eat dinner and be done with this day.”
And on that, I move out of the guest house and straight to the main house with Wyatt trailing me.
“So . . . you, uh, spending the night?”Ryland asks Wyatt as I clean the dishes off the table. Wyatt offered to help, but I told him to sit down. Hattie was chosen for bedtime duty by Mac, so they’re upstairs, and Hayes is in the kitchen with me, packing up the food for leftovers.
“Moving in,” Wyatt says.
“Moving in?” Ryland asks, his voice rising.
“Yeah,” Wyatt says as if it’s no big deal.
Ryland directs his attention to me and asks, “You’re letting him move in with you?”
“I don’t see what the big deal is,” I say as I rinse off my last plate and stack it in the dishwasher. “We’re in love, might as well live together.” The room falls silent, and I can tell that was probably a bit shocking to them, so before Hayes or Ryland can say anything, I add, “I know this all seems new to you, but it’s not new to us. You’re just finding out about us because I was keeping it a secret. Now that it’s out in the open, well, it’s going to seem like we’re moving fast when, to us, we’re at a normal pace, probably the same pace as Hattie and Hayes. No one batted an eye when they moved in together.”
“That’s true,” Hayes says. “She has a very valid point.”
“See,” I say, pointing at Hayes. “Listen to him.” I shut the dishwasher with my foot, then head to the table where Ryland studies me. “What?” I ask, feeling the pressure under his stare.
“So . . . this is a real thing? You two.”
“It is,” I say. “Thanks for asking. Now, if you don’t mind, I’d like to go to bed, and I believe my boyfriend will be joining me, right?”
