Page 80 of The Reason I Married Him
“Not sure you want to hear this, but you’re looking a little uncomfortable.”
“That’s becauseI amuncomfortable,” I reply. “I haven’t done this in a long time. I’ve never fake done this either.”
“Long time?” he asks. “What does a long time entail?”
“Long enough that I don’t know what to say or how to act.”
“Want me to give you a quick rundown on what the dating world is like at the moment?”
“Even though I don’t particularly care for a condescending conversation, I wouldn’t be opposed to it.”
He chuckles. “No condescension here. Just education.” He drapes his arm over my shoulder as we walk past a couple holding hands. “Now, the dating world is the same as years ago. Two people agree to go on a date, they meet up for coffee or food or a mutual place, and during that time, they talk. Now, how these people meet up depends on the circumstances. Some are online, some are by friends and family, and others are from shared farmland. No matter where they come from, the date should always be the same. You ask questions, you get to know each other, you tell witty anecdotes about the picture on your phone and the girl who looked like she was laying an egg in a paint tray.”
Strangely, I feel almost calmed by his charm and choice of words. I’m sure he’d know all about dating, looking like he does.Will he miss that in our year together?
“So nothing has changed.”
“Nothing. Well, that’s not true. There’s a lot of catfishing, ghosting, and people don’t put up with a lot on dates anymore.So if the person they’re going on a date with makes an absurd claim like . . . whales are actually tiny fish that are made to look big in pictures, then instead of enduring said date, they take off and just leave, right then and there.”
“Oh God, that seems harsh.”
“Time is a valuable commodity, Aubree. You can’t get it back, so why waste it on a two-bit chump who thinks whales are mini fish?”
“I guess so.” I glance up at him. “Do you believe whales are tiny fish?”
“No, I think they were all blown up by Wayne Szalinski, and that’s how they’ve come about.”
I pause in our pursuit toward the restaurant. “Wayne Szalinski? Who is that?”
He turns toward me, eyes wide. “Who is that?” he asks as if I’ve insulted him. “Aubree, I know I’m older than you, but not that much older. You have to know who that is. It’s pop culture. Everyone knows who it is.”
“Doubtful,” I say.
And of course, just at that moment, another couple walks by, so Wyatt stops them. “Sorry to bother you, but my girl and I have fallen into a bit of a debate. Would you be able to help us?” My girl, how do those terms just come so easily to him? He can say my girl and how I look beautiful, while I’m spouting off about the no-show of pleats in his shorts.
“Sure,” the woman says.
“This is Aubree, and she says she doesn’t know who Wayne Szalinski is, and I told her everyone does. Do you guys know?”
“Isn’t that the dad fromHoney, I Shrunk the Kids?” the man asks.
“Yes, it is,” the woman says, and then I’m lucky enough to see the annoying grin that spreads across Wyatt’s face as he turns toward me.
“See,” he says. “People know.” He thanks the couple, and we’re on our way again.
“For the record, I’ve never seen that movie,” I say.
“What do you mean you’ve never seen it? I think I saw it when I was in school once. It was a classic growing up.”
“But, like you said, we’re not the same age, so my class was probably moving on to something more new age.”
I can practically hear his eye roll. “What are you? Thirty?”
“Twenty-eight,” I say.
“Twenty-eight?” he nearly yells and stops us again. He gives me a scan, and when his eyes meet mine, he says, “Fuck, you are pretty young.”
I chuckle, the sound feeling odd, but also . . . nice. “Thanks for the confirmation, I guess. Should I be calling you grandpa?”
