Page 104 of The Reason I Married Him
He studies me for a second and then says, “Oh . . . like, relax yourself?”
“What?” I ask confused and then understanding falls over me. “No, not that.”
“But do you do that?”
I feel my cheeks blush again. “That’s none of your business.”
“It is if I need to know when not to disturb you. I mainly get off in the shower. Just easier that way.”
Oh my God, my cheeks feel like flames. I didn’t need to know that. I didn’t need that image in my head. And now all I’m going to be thinking about when he’s in the shower is that he’s pleasuring himself.
“By the ghastly expression on your face, I’m going to guess that’s not what you expected to hear.”
“No,” I say, shifting uncomfortably.
“Well, it’s shit we should talk about because we’re going to be together for a year, and even though I like to say I have self-control, the fact of the matter is, there is no way I’m going to be able to sleep next to you with blue balls for a year. Sorry. Not happening.”
“Sl-sleep next to me?” I ask.
“Yes, sleep next to you. Sleeping next to a beautiful woman, who is probably going to smell good. It’s just nature. There’s nothing creepy about it. It’s not like I’ll be thinking about you in the shower, but men wake up hard, and I’ll want to take care of it. Maybe when I’m doing that, you can take care of yourself. We could have a self-pleasuring party every morning.”
My nose turns up. “That is not something I’m participating in.”
“Well, the option is there.” He takes a seat on the bed and places his hands behind him, leaning back ever so slightly. “What else do you want to talk about? I understand that you have a period, so I can assist you with anything during that time. If you need feminine products or chocolate or someone to rub your lower back. Not sure what your pain points are, but I’m here for you. Also, don’t worry about me snoring. That’s not something I do. I’m very clean and orderly. I’ll just need a small portion of storage. If you don’t have anything under your bed, I can use that. I’m easy, Aubree. I’ll make it as comfortable as possible for you, so you don’t have to worry. Okay?”
“What about . . . the toilet seat?” I ask, trying to find anything to ask him at this point because everything he’s saying sounds like it will be okay besides the self-pleasuring party. And despite everything sounding okay, I still have this sickening feeling. I’m not sure I want to do this. Or that I can do this.
“Pee with it up, leave with it down. And I even wipe the seat before I put down the lid because that’s just polite.”
“And what about . . . snot rockets.”
The corners of his lips tilt up. “What about them, Aubree?”
“Do you blow them?”
I can see that he wants to chuckle, but he remains serious for me. “I do, but into tissues like every other decent human out there.”
“Okay, um, what about, you know, your, uh . . . morning deposit?”
His cheeks grow even wider. “You mean my cum in the shower?”
“Yes.”
“All washed down. Nothing to worry about there. I even rub some soap on the floor of the shower.”
“Dirty laundry?”
“In the laundry basket.”
“What about your bedtime?” I ask, crossing my arms. “What kind of hours do you maintain?”
“I work best with seven to eight hours of sleep, so if you’re wondering if I’m a night owl, the answer would be no. I like to read before bed, and once I start feeling tired or ten at night rolls around, I’ll turn off my light and go to sleep. Depending on the day, I’ll wake up between five and six. I fell off my workout schedule for a moment there, but I started running again and doing pushups. In case you were wondering.”
He fell off his workout schedule, and that’s what he looks like? What does he look like when he’s on his workout schedule? My God!
“What about . . . uh . . .”
“Let me stop you there,” he says. “I can see that you’re trying to find something that will displease you, but I can tell you right now, if I do something that you don’t like, all you have to do is tell me. That’s right, Aubree. I can change. I’m not a man stuck in my habits, so you just tell me, and I’ll fix the problem.”
