Page 94 of The Way I Hate Him
“Not in the mood,” I say as I stare out my window, my phone clutched in my hand.
“Care to talk about it?”
“No,” I say.
“Okay,” he says as he takes off down the road.
Tears well in my eyes as we drive south toward San Francisco, the conversation running through my head—Aubree’s tears, her words of truth, the look of disappointment on both of their faces as they realized I failed out . . .
My lip quivers.
Not only did I fail them but I failed Cassidy as well. All I had to do was graduate, and I couldn’t even fucking do that.
Before I can stop them, a tear cascades down my cheek. I wipe it away, but another follows.
And then another.
And then another.
I try to keep up, but it’s useless.
“Come on, Ryland, all she had to do was graduate. That’s it. And she couldn’t even do that. You’re taking care of a goddamn child, sleeping on a couch every night, barely making it day to day while putting on a happy smile. I’m drowning in responsibilities I never fucking asked for while helping you any chance I can, and all she had to do was graduate.”
My heart feels like it’s shattering all over again. I thought I’d only lost one sister...but I’ve lost them all. Tears stream down my face.My brother’s life is fucked up, my sister is drowning, and all I had to do was graduate.
“Are you crying?”
“No,” I say even though that one word sounds full of tears.
“Yes, you are,” he says just as we leave town. He pulls off to the side, near one of the lookouts of Almond Bay, and puts the SUV in park before turning toward me. “Why are you crying, Hattie?”
I wipe at my tears. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Did I make you cry?” he asks in such a tender, caring voice that it actually makes me cry more.
“No,” I say. “This has nothing to do with you.”
“Okay . . .” He pauses. “Do you want me to take you back to your place? I can manage without you if I need to.”
I shake my head. “I can’t be there right now. Just drive, okay?”
“Okay,” he answers as he puts the car in drive again and pulls out onto the road.
With one hand on the steering wheel, he remains silent, allowing me to just sit in my feelings, and surprisingly, I appreciate it. The last thing I want to do is talk about my brother and sister.
Thankfully, he turns on some music, and it fills the silence. Tracy Chapman filters through the speakers, her cool, raspy voice pulling me away from my thoughts as I focus on the lyrics and the instrumentals. I turn away from the window and face forward, more comfortable now, and just as I settle into my seat for the long ride, Hayes reaches over the console and takes my hand in his. When I glance at him with questions on the tip of my tongue, he doesn’t lock eyes with me. Instead, he just squeezes my hand and remains like that . . . offering the support I never thought I’d find in him.
ChapterTwelve
HAYES
I don’t like that she cried.
I don’t like seeing it, and I don’t like hearing it.
I thought it was me...the one she was upset with, and I wouldn’t blame her if it was.
After I drove her desire to the point of breaking, then pushed her away...Yeah, I’d be pissed too.Did she have to finish the job?
