Page 181 of The Way I Hate Him
I place my hand on top of his and slip my fingers under his palm so we’re holding hands. “Is this how it’s going to be? You just fucking me every chance you get?”
“Do you have a problem with that?”
“Nope, not as long as you still wine and dine me. Just don’t want to be treated like a fling.”
“Trust me, babe, you’re anything but a fling.” He pulls down the dirt road to the farmhouse and parks in front of it. Everyone is gone at this point, so we have the house to ourselves.
I go to exit the SUV when he keeps me in place. When I turn toward him, he cups my cheek and sincerely says, “You heard me, right? You’re anything but a fling.”
“I heard you,” I say.
“And I mean it.” He moves in an inch. “I might be fucking greedy with your pussy right now, but that doesn’t negate the fact that I like you, a lot. I like your mind, your heart, your quick wit, the way you care for me, and the way you make me feel when you walk into the room. There’s so much more to us than just sex, and I don’t want you to think I lost focus of that.”
“I didn’t,” I say. “But it’s good to know.”
“Good.” He closes the space between us and brushes a very light kiss on my lips. When he releases me, he says, “Stay there.”
He exits the car and rounds the hood, where he opens my car door. Before pulling me out, he leans in and rests his forehead against mine.
I loop my hand behind his head and whisper, “You okay?”
“Perfect actually,” he answers when he looks up at me. “So fucking perfect, Hattie, that it doesn’t feel real. This doesn’t feel real.”
“I know what you mean,” I say. “I woke up this morning feeling so happy that I almost didn’t trust it.”
“Same,” he says. He lowers my hands from his neck, and he grips them as he looks me in the eye. “I’m scared I’m going to fuck this up, Hattie.”
“Why?” I ask as I actually see the fear in his eyes.
“Because the only other relationship I was in, I fucked up. I don’t have good examples of love in my life, and I don’t have a good fucking track record.”
“That doesn’t mean anything,” I say. “That’s all in the past.”
“I know, but I still have this looming fear.” His scared eyes meet mine. “This is too good to be true. Like . . . I don’t fucking deserve you.”
“Yes, you do.” I never would have thought that such a confident, charming...virileman could have any self-doubts. “Why would you say that?”
“Because when it comes to relationships in my life, I tend to lose them. You’re loyal to your core.”
“So are you,” I say. “Look at your relationship with Abel. That’s stood the test of time through some really rough patches. You cheated on your girlfriend back in high school. That was a long time ago. And you said you learned from your mistakes.”
“I did.” He sighs. “Fuck, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be worrying you with this. Let’s . . . let’s get the stuff in the house and get painting.”
“Hold on,” I say, keeping his hands in mine and not letting him leave. “Hayes, look at me.” When his eyes match up with mine, I say, “I trust you with my heart. You haven’t done anything to prove me differently. In fact, every chance you’ve had, you’ve protected me. You’ve put meand my needsfirst. The pickles, the job, letting Maggie stay at your house, my relationship with my brother, the apartment . . . you’ve always put me first, no matter what. This isn’t too good to be true. This is real because we’ve worked at it. You’ve worked at it. Okay?”
He reaches around me and pulls me into a soft hug before tilting my chin up and pressing a light kiss to my lips. “Fuck, I like you, Hattie.”
“I like you, too,” I say. “A lot.”
He kisses me again. “Good, because I’m so fucking attached to you that I’m not sure I could let you go at this point.”
“You better not,” I say, and he smiles that beautiful smile of his.
As he helps me out of the car and we start unloading everything into the house, I think about how different Hayes is compared to the image I had of him in my head. Growing up, I didn’t know much about him, just that he was my older brother’s friend, and when everything went down between him and Ryland, he became the Antichrist in our house. That summer, it was Ryland’s downfall. He stopped playing baseball and came back to Almond Bay. Dad treated him like absolute shit every chance he could get, and we all thought it was because of what Hayes did. In reality, it wasn’t Hayes at all. So I developed this image of him in my head that he was a bad person. A terrible person.I felt so guilty for liking his music.
And now that image has been completely obliterated. Hayes is not that person at all. He’s very loving and caring with a heart of gold if he lets you in to experience it. He’s protective, loyal, fierce. And he’s sensitive and slightly insecure, which makes him human...and makes me like him that much more. If he wasn’t a little insecure, he’d almost come off as pompous. Like he’s better than everyone, and given his popularity and profession, that would be understandable.
But he’s not like that.
